You're Not Stuck - You're Afraid of What's Next - EP 21

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Kim. Today we are talking about fear is quietly making your decisions. Since lately we've been noticing a pattern in a lot of messages we've been getting. Different situations, different ages, different lives. But underneath so many of these messages is the same emotional tension. Fear of changing, fear of choosing wrong, fear of ruining your life, fear of disappointing people, fear of outgrowing the version of yourself everyone is comfortable with. And I think a lot of people don't even realize how much fear quietly starts shaping their decisions over time.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

The first email we wanted to talk about was from Morgan, and the subject is I've outgrown my life. Hey Ken and Kim, I've been listening to your podcast for the last few weeks, and honestly, I feel like a lot of what you talk about has been hitting me pretty hard lately. I'm 38, I'm married, I have two kids, and from the outside, my life probably looks completely normal. I have a stable job, we own a house, we're doing okay financially, nothing is technically wrong. But internally, I feel really disconnected from myself lately. And I don't even know when it started. I think I got so busy surviving and being responsible for everyone else that I stopped asking myself whether I actually liked my life anymore. Every day kind of feels the same now. Wake up tired, go to work, come home exhausted, repeat. And the weird part is I feel guilty even saying this out loud because I know a lot of people would probably be grateful to have the life I have. My husband is a good person, my kids are amazing, but something inside of me feels shut down. Lately I keep thinking about making changes somehow, maybe changing careers, maybe starting something for myself, maybe just doing something different. But every single time I think about actually changing my life, I panic because my brain starts going, what if you ruin everything? What if you're just being ungrateful? What if you blow up a perfectly fine life chasing some feeling that doesn't even exist? And honestly, I can't tell if this feeling is my intuition trying to wake me up, or if I'm just emotionally burnt out and restless. So I guess my question is, how do you know when you've genuinely outgrown your life versus when you're just uncomfortable because growth feels unfamiliar?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

What I heard Morgan say, my life looks okay externally, but internally I don't feel connected to myself anymore.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

This one resonates for me deeply, poor Morgan, because I feel like I was stuck in that place for so long. I feel like most of my adult life I was stuck in that same place, uh, different scenarios, but same feeling. Feeling, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

I felt like I was stuck at a job that was very unfulfilling. I knew I wanted more, but I knew I needed the security of the job and the paycheck. I kept going around and around for years doing the research and just planning and thinking, and I was just like stuck in analysis paralysis, right? And I was letting the fear control me and keep me stuck. I didn't know if I should go back to school or if we should start a different business or if I should get a different job, or uh even really what I wanted. We had our marriage, we had two kids, and I was just stuck day after day for I was in that job, that particular job for almost 10 years.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

She needs clarity in her path. Uh and like you said, Kim, you were stuck, you were in the same spot, trying to do the work, trying to find something that excites you. I think at this point in her life, one of the good things is that it seems like she has a stability, which is great. And she doesn't want to disrupt that. And I wouldn't recommend to disrupt that. She needs to talk with her husband. Hey, I need maybe change careers, or like she said, I need to start something new, maybe a hobby, maybe join a group. So it seems to me that she has to write down the things that really excite her. You know, I have this small list and find a little bit of energy at night because she also said that she's exhausted, but she needs to find a little bit of time at night and write down things that she might be able to pursue. She doesn't have to go all in. But I think communication with the family is very important before she, you know, so she feels kinda okay. My family knows that I'm about to do something different, and I'm gonna get a little bit of my comfort zone, but it's okay because she's working through her own challenges.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Yeah, well, her fear is obviously keeping her stuck, which was my problem as well. I just didn't want to ri make the wrong decision. I'm a perfectionist, I'm a planner, I like to plan, and that was keeping me stuck. And it kind of sounds like I mean, we don't have a lot of information other than what I just read on her life, but it sounds like that, you know, she's letting those fears also keep her stuck. And that's really relatable. So I think in addition to kind of making a list and seeing what lights her up and excites her, the best move would be to kind of go down the list and like, okay, if something was on your list, well, like maybe I want to go back to school to be a nurse. Like that's something maybe she's always thought about. I'm just using it as an example. Or maybe she wanted to have a business um well, fruit stand, you know, whatever. But the thing would be to like kind of put them in order of what excites her and start at the top of the list. Like, okay, well, nursing has always been something she was interested in, let's say. So take a nursing course, dip your toe in the water. If it's appealing to you, keep moving forward. If it's not, go back to your list and say, oh, okay, well, you know, that nursing class really sucked. So let me jump on my fruit stand idea. And what would it take to start growing my own fruits and vegetables? You know, what would that look like? And start planting some fruits and vegetables. You don't have to go all in and just say, today I'm gonna quit my job and start a fruit and vegetable stand. When I know nothing about it, never tried it, don't know if I like it. You know, it's just like the one step that will get you unstuck.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Right. Like for us back in 2014, when we knew that we wanted to do something different. And I remember when we got together talking about that we wanted to start a business. We didn't know what kind of business, but we wanted to be business owners. We we wanted the opportunity. And I remember you and I getting together, going online, checking for business opportunities, SBA loans, what's in the market, what's new, what's working, what's growing. So we made a decision. That's what we wanted to do. And if your husband wants to jump in the idea, and again, it doesn't necessarily have to be business related, right? It could be maybe that could be also a hobby. Right? You just need to put the idea in paper first. And you need to, when you see it and when you're writing it down, you have to be excited.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Because if it doesn't really excite you at night on when you're writing it down and f thinking to execute the idea, that's not it.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Or if you force it, if it doesn't come natural, that's not it.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

Right. And that's a good point. Like maybe it's not a new job that she needs, maybe it is just a hobby that she needs. Maybe um, you know, social life. Right. So maybe she lost herself. Like so many moms out there just lose themselves and their children because their world has been consumed by kids and all their activities and running around to soccer practice, dance class, and this and that, and school activities, and moms lose themselves in that. And then they stop focusing on themselves when in reality, like this is your life too. Right. So explore what some potential hobbies would look like.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Right. Because she says right here also that I'm reading it, Kim. She says that every time, every single time I think about actually changing my life, I panic. So she is afraid to disrupt her life. That's what I said, that she needs to make a plan. She needs to overcome her fears, she needs to make a list, she needs to see it and get excited. And it will be excited, actually, from panic to excitement is just a step. Right? After she just make up her mind, start with her husband and kids, and uh and start moving, things are gonna are gonna really work out for her.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

Right. And that will answer a lot of her question. She said, like, what if her her brain kept going to like, what if you ruin everything? Well, like, if you're just taking the steps, one step at a time, you can't ruin everything. Like you're just taking a class or starting a hobby or testing the waters or growing your fruit, whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

You don't want to do like an abrupt change because yeah, you're gonna everyone is gonna feel it.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

And and then her other question in there or that her brain keeps spiraling on is what if you're just being ungrateful? But there's nothing ungrateful about doing things that matter to you or f or provide fulfillment for you.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Right.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

There's nothing ungrateful about that. Just because you're a wife and a mom does not mean that you don't deserve to want more out of life.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Exactly. And I guarantee you that your husband and your kids want to see you happy.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

Of course.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

There's no reason to be afraid you're gonna disappoint or you're going to, you know, they're not gonna think that you're ungrateful or anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

And the other question that she said her brain keeps spiraling her about is what if you blow up a perfectly fine life chasing some feeling that doesn't even exist? And my answer to that is there's there has to be a feeling that exists if she's questioning it. So I think, you know, her ultimate question, how do you know when you've genuinely outgrown your life versus when you're just uncomfortable because growth feels unfamiliar? I think both of those things can be true at the same time. I think you can definitely have outgrown your life. For example, you know, that I just used being a mom, being a wife, and you kind of lose yourself in those roles. You can outgrow that a little bit, like meaning your kids are older now, they don't need you as much. Your husband works and he has his own hobbies and whatnot. And so, like, you're not you're not lost in that wife-mother role as you were before.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Right.

SPEAKER_03 10:37

You can kind of, you know, you go through those stages in your life, and maybe you're at a stage now where you're looking for the next step. So yeah, that you can outgrow that, and you can also be uncomfortable because growth feels unfamiliar. Yeah. Because growth is uncomfortable and scary and all those things.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

So I think that both of those things can be true at the same time, and there's nothing wrong with that, but you still need to take the steps to test the water and see what you like. Find yourself, find your new stage of life.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

Yeah. The next email we wanted to read was from Andrew, and the subject line is fear of choosing wrong. Hey Ken and Kim, I'm 29 and I honestly feel completely stuck in life right now. Not because I don't want change, but because I can't stop overthinking every possible outcome. I've spent the last few years trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life, and instead of getting clarity, I feel more confused than ever. Part of me wants to start my own business, part of me wants to move somewhere new, part of me wants to go back to school. But every option feels risky. And I think the real truth is I'm terrified of choosing wrong. Like I have this fear that if I make the wrong decision, I'm going to waste years of my life or ruin my future somehow. So instead, I just stay stuck researching, thinking, planning, consuming content, listening to podcasts, but never fully committing to anything. And honestly, I'm starting to feel embarrassed by how long I've been in this cycle. I watch other people moving forward with their lives while I feel frozen trying to make the perfect decision. So I guess my question is: how do you stop overthinking every possible outcome and actually trust yourself enough to move forward?

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Wow. Well, this guy is talking about starting a business, moving somewhere new, or go back to school.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Three different routes.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

Very different options.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Yeah. So and I think I I spoke with you offline, Kim. Like, what would you think about to start a business and thinking about moving out of state or moving somewhere, somewhere new? So this one is a little tricky because it seems like you need clarity here. You know, he's all over the place. You know, I I when you it seems like this person is very bored. Like I need some new excitement. I need a big change, right? Like if you think about it, if you start a business, it's a different beast. And move somewhere new, you gotta pack and start a new life, right? Or go back to school. So you need to define what actually makes you excited. Because if you like, oh yeah, but I want to start a business, but then in a month, you're like, oh yeah, but I want to move. Like, no. You need to define what you want to do. You know, and I remember when I moved to the US back in 2009, I was like, I'm living in the US, but I want to leave. I don't know if I want to stay here or if I want to go back to Colombia.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

I remember those days very well.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

So things don't really work like that. You need to really pinpoint, okay, are you staying or are you leaving? So are you starting a business? And then really find what kind of business are you gonna start. Remove the fears, right? Remove the wanting to be somewhere else. That's never gonna work out. Never ever gonna work out if you want to go somewhere else. Right? Or if you want to go somewhere else, just go. You know, and then start something, something new there or so. That's from my personal experience and my personal approach. That you have to be certain that you wanna do that. In the same way we did when we moved to Arizona from Connecticut to Arizona, we made the decision, okay, we're moving to Arizona. We're we're selling our restaurants, we're selling our home, we're going, and we're starting something new. So you need to define the path, what actually makes you excited. Now you also said here about going back to school, maybe uh uh going back to school could be actually something that you you go to school for two, three years. You're not gonna waste time. You mentioned here that you're afraid to waste time. Uh going back to school, you're not gonna waste any time because you're gonna learn.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Yeah, and it sounds like you've been stuck for a while. So really you're just wasting time worrying about wasting time rather than momentum and movement. Like take the first step and try the course. You know, like I was saying about Morgan in the first email. Like she needed she needs to take the step, try it out first, see if you like it, see if you don't like it, see, you know, you'll meet somebody that puts you on a different path, or like a million different scenarios could play out, right? You need to take the step, you need to get moving instead of just staying stuck because ultimately you're wasting time.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Right. Another thing, you say, I feel frozen trying to make the perfect decision. There's no perfect decision. Right. The the decision isn't gonna be perfect.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

The decision is to move forward in some way, in some small way. It doesn't have to be the ultimate right decision, but you're letting fear hold you back and trapped and stuck.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

The decision is actually walking you into the unknown. And then it's up to you if that was the perfect decision, a bad decision, or media. Right, wrong. Yeah, you just have to.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

Ultimately, your decision when you get there, but you won't know until you try.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Exactly. It's hard because again, you mentioned business, you mentioned move somewhere new, go back to school. What's perfect?

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

But uh yeah, just get just pinpoint what gets you real excited and then just go for it.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

Yeah, it goes back to your example about us buying the restaurants. It's like we learned, you know, we we didn't know if that was the perfect decision, right? We had no idea, but we're researching businesses and all types gas stations, uh restaurants, liquor stores, liquor stores, laundry mets, we were looking at the whole gamut. And we had no idea what the right decision was, the perfect decision. But we knew we wanted to be business owners. So we just kind of found one, moved forward with researching it and started digging in. And then we decided ultimately, like, yeah, let's move forward. And if we had stayed stuck questioning, well, is this the perfect business? We never would have taken that leap. We never would have gained that experience.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Ultimately, if you know our story, that decision ended up costing us two restaurants that we could never turn around. They were failing restaurants when we bought them. We couldn't turn them around like we thought we could. But ultimately, that's just a part of our story, part of our history. We learned a lot. We lost a lot of money, but we had some very humbling experiences through that.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

And now we know how to own and run businesses because of that experience.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

It was the business failed, yes, but you can't.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Like you said, it was an expensive education.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Yeah, you can't put a price tag on what we learned from it because now we use it running our current businesses. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Some people waste years trying to avoid wasting time. And don't do that. You know, again, just try to get some clarity today, write it down. Write down what excites you, and then get excited. Picture yourself doing that, and then just move forward. You're 29, and I think you'll have plenty of time to figure it out. But uh, so it's time to move forward.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

Yep. All right, this the third email we're gonna talk about today is from Lisa, and the subject line is I don't feel like the same person anymore. Hey, Ken and Kim. I've been going through a lot of personal growth over the last year or so. And honestly, I feel like I'm changing pretty drastically as a person. I'm thinking differently, I'm taking better care of myself, I'm becoming more intentional about my life, but something I wasn't expecting is how uncomfortable it's become with some of the people around me. It almost feels like certain people in my life are more comfortable with the old version of me, the version that stayed small, the version that people pleased, the version that never challenged anything. And now when I set boundaries or talk about wanting more for my life, I sometimes feel guilt or resistance from people around me. And honestly, part of me feels guilty too. Like I'm abandoning who I used to be, or maybe becoming too much somehow. I'm wondering if you guys ever struggled with feeling uncomfortable becoming a different version of yourselves, especially when other people expected you to stay the same.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

Everyone evolves at a different speed, at a different rate. And this happened to us too, Kim.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

Oh, for sure. I've just this I could have written this myself, actually, in the last uh year, two years that I've becoming a totally different version of myself.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Yeah, you're evolving and you're going through this growth momentum, and now they're falling behind, and now you feel guilty. We talk about this came that for us, like, all right, we need to move up. And it's not to be we don't want to be selfish because I'm pretty sure you love your friends or your family or you know, the people around you. But sometimes that's what happened in life. And it's not fair to you if you're feeling like, hey, um, I'm I want more.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

It's not fair to you if you want more. Be it's not fair for you to shrink yourself and stay stuck and not growing just because the people that are in your life don't want the same.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

You're feeling like sometimes you wanna, let's say, just go to a nice place or a different place, and then your friends don't want to go. Your family doesn't want to go. They judge you, why are you going there? Or maybe they want to go to a different restaurant or a different park and you feel like not going, you feel like you're wasting your time. Right? Like you don't belong to the park per se anymore. Right? Like, no, I I I'm going to the gym instead. I'm going to meet this new group that I just met that they're working about something different, you know?

SPEAKER_02 20:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

And then now you're skipping those old moments that you used to have with them, and that's when they started judging you. But if you get this new calling, it's like a new calling, right? Like a new momentum, like a new fire happening in you, you just have to go with it. So we always go through an identity evolution. And like I said, you know, your circle, they won't see it. Maybe one or two, but the majority, your family, cousins, neighbors, they won't see it. And you are be prepared for some emotional loneliness during your growth. You have to embrace that. But you know, that will be just temporary. You're gonna find new friends or you're gonna find new things to do as you walk through this, a new version of yourself.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Yeah, transformation definitely changes relationships. I know that we have dealt with that for sure with friends and family. They don't really I'm not gonna say they don't like well, some don't like it, but but they're just y you can't relate anymore to certain people.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:57

And if it's somebody close to you like A parent or a sibling or somebody that's important in your life, and you're not willing to give up that relationship, then of course the relationship has to change, right? Like the dynamic of it a little bit. Like, so for example, my dad and I, you know, are not always on the same page about like entrepreneurship, for example. Like my dad is very much, not that he's against it, but he's he's fearful, right? For me. So he's always scared for me if I'm starting a new business or, you know, if I don't have a secure job or whatever. He gets very scared for me, but ultimately that's what I want in my life. So I have to separate the two a little bit. I don't tell him everything I'm doing with my business because it scares him and he'll lose sleep over it.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:48

So you have to kind of be willing to share parts of your life that you know people are comfortable with.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

And I'm not saying to dim your own light or anything like that, but know your audience, know who you're speaking to. So, like if I want to talk business, I go to my husband or or my mom, you know, because my mom is very business oriented. But I would never go to my dad and tell him these parts, these scary parts of business because he would be too scared for me. Then he projects those fears onto me and it just causes this uncomfortable feeling. So you have to know your audience.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

Right. Yeah, people are gonna start resisting your growth. Yeah. You just have to, you know, you don't have to show this new persona, you know, the next week. Oh well, this is the new me and I don't hang out with you guys anymore, or I just don't talk about these things anymore. No, you just have to know your boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Because you're getting into a new, like a social conditioning per se. Because again, you're you're evolving, right? And we we all have the right to to move forward, to to step into something new. And if they're not stepping into this new reality at the same time with you, it's because they're not ready yet.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Right. And you can't force them to be ready, and that's fine. And some people you may have to cut out of your life, right? Like, you know, I'm not talking about, well, I mean, it it all depends on how important the relationship is to you, but some friends may be keeping you stuck. Some circles, groups that you hang out with, maybe they're keeping you stuck, you know, and you have to be willing to let go of those circles.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

She says something very interesting here, Kim. I'm thinking differently. I'm taking better care of myself and becoming more intentional about my life. Just stepping up.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Well, that that's what I was gonna say is people like to see that. Like, oh, what are you doing? We used to go uh McDonald's two times a week. Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:39

So we thought that's what I was gonna say is you know if she's trying to take better care of herself, you don't want to hang out with the people that are eating at McDonald's every day or you know, all the fast food junk. You want to hang out with the people that are going all organic and home cooked meals and new recipes and fresh ingredients and smoothies for breakfast or whatever, you know, just like healthy stuff. You want people that are on the same path. So again, you don't have to abandon people that are not stepping in the same direction as you, but you could slowly start s pivoting, like, oh, okay, well, let me join a group that for healthy organic people or people that grow their own food, whatever that looks like for you. And you start making new connections and building a life within that new group. And that doesn't mean you have to leave the old group, but eventually those relationships may change, they may fade, they may fizzle out, and that's okay. But like you said, it doesn't have to happen next week and just like a definitive decision. Nope, I'm gonna do this now and go with this new group. Like it doesn't have to be like that blunt and that, you know, hurtful, if you will. You can slowly fizzle out a relationship if it's no longer serving you.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Right. One last thing. You also said it almost feels like certain people in my life are more comfortable with the old version of me, the version that people pleased.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

Of course, of course they're comfortable with that. You pleased them, you were pleasing them all along. So, yes, they're going to be comfortable with that version, and it's gonna make them very uncomfortable when you start setting boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Exactly. Enough is enough.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

Yeah, yeah. And you don't want to be a people pleaser, anyways. That's no way to live.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

And that will draw in your energies. Yeah. So I can only imagine.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

Yeah. Um, we I've I went through a very close relationship of mine where I had to start setting boundaries, and it was really difficult. It was really hard, and that person did not want to respect my boundaries, and it caused a huge rift in our relationship. But a very close person, I had to keep my boundaries. Um, we went back and forth with it for like a year. Like, I'm not wanting to respect my boundaries, and it got ugly.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:58

But you have to trust that it's going to work out for the best in the end and just stay true to who you are and the boundaries that you're setting. You're setting those boundaries for a reason because they're important to you, whatever it is. And it doesn't the the person doesn't have to agree with your boundaries. Your boundaries are your boundaries for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

So all three of these emails actually tie back to an episode that we did on fear. And we provided a framework that was called the Fear Trap Framework. And just as a recap, because I feel like this would be really helpful for all three of these emailers and anyone listening, because I know a lot of us get stuck with fear holding us back.

SPEAKER_02 27:41

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

And step one of the framework is name the fear. A lot of us don't even take the time to really feel what is driving our emotions, what's underneath those fears that these emailers were listing, right? What specifically are you afraid will happen? Fear of judgment, fear of failure, feel of rejection, embarrassment, financial instability, wasting time, you know, those are big ones for people.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

So you want to name your fear. Step two, examine the story. Is this reality what you're telling yourself? The stories that you're telling yourself, is this reality or is it catastrophic thinking? Is your life gonna blow up like some of the emailers were saying? Like, are they gonna ruin their life if they try something new? No, you're not gonna ruin your life. Just do it in a in a methodical manner or, you know, a uh planned out manner.

SPEAKER_02 28:32

Right.

SPEAKER_03 28:32

Step three of the framework, prepare for the worst. And this one I always give a little caveat about it. Don't get lost in this step. You don't want to just be thinking worst case scenarios, but you do want to be prepared for the worst.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

Right.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

If the worst happened, how could you recover? So you want to have an exit plan, right? Like if something exploded, how are you getting out of it? You know, if if our businesses failed, how would we get out of it? Well, there was many options how we could have gotten out of it, right? You just have to have you our lives weren't were not going to be over if our business failed.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Nothing is catastrophic.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

No, if you think about it, other than you know, like death, that's catastrophic. But you trying a new business or going back to school or moving out of state or you know a new hobby, yeah, or moving out of your the circle that you used to love. Right. Those things are not catastrophic. No.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

It cannot be fine.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

Right. Step number four, count the cost. And this has to do with what is staying the same costing you? You're staying in jobs that you hate, regret. You're not getting these experiences that you can learn from. It's costing you time. That was a big one in all three of the emails is people who are like afraid to waste time, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Analysis paralysis.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Just wasting time.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

Which is where I was stuck for so many years. I'm talking decades. I was stuck in that fear of wasting my time. But ultimately, my fear came true, right? I wasted decades of my life feeling stuck because I was scared of not making the perfect decision.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah, write it down. Write it down. The first thing that you write down, write 20 things. For me, you know, writing stuff down, I know some people are like, oh, I don't feel like writing anything down. It doesn't make any sense. I'm just writing-either.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

I hate writing things down, but it's powerful.

SPEAKER_00 30:22

It is powerful because the first thing you write down, the first thing that comes to your head, that's the that's your calling. That's the way it's like.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

It should be assigned to at least you know, look into it and really, you know, see why it came up and why it's resonating for you.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Yeah. And that one is probably the most, it's gonna be more challenging, but it's gonna be more rewarded. That's the way I see it.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Yep. And step five, and this is the most important, move anyways.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Don't continue staying stuck. Move anyways. Momentum. Try the thing, try the class, try growing the garden, try the business, try moving out of state, like try the thing. Because the worst case is you can always undo what you've done. You moved out of state and you don't like it, move back. You started a business, you don't like it, sell it, pivot. Pivot.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Partner with somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

You don't like the school, the courses that you're taking, try some different courses, meet some different people, join a different group. Like you can always change things. Yeah, there is nothing, nobody saying you just because you tried something, you have to live with it now and you have to do the thing.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Yep, you gotta get moving. Maybe the goal isn't to eliminate fear completely. Maybe the real goal is to stop letting fear quietly decide your future.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

And if you guys are enjoying these listener style episodes, send us your questions because chances are, if you're feeling it, somebody else probably is too.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

That's right.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

If this episode resonated with you or helped you in any way, we'd love for you to share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you're ready to go deeper, we created something for you. Head over to Ken and KimPodcast.com where you can get access to our full library of rebuild guides. These are step-by-step tools designed to help you actually apply what we talk about here. And if you want to connect with us, join our private Facebook community, the Rebuild Room, where we're having real conversations about rebuilding your life. We'll see you in the next episode.