Your Job Pays the Bills… But Why Do You Still Feel Empty? - Episode 16

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So your job pays the bills, but when was the last time it actually made you feel alive? It's like you're doing everything you're supposed to do, but something still feels off. We spent years thinking, if we just worked hard enough, the meaning would eventually show up, but it never did. And the truth is, this isn't just us. According to Gallup, which is the gold standard for workplace research, only about 20 to 23% of people actually feel engaged in their work, which on the flip side means roughly 75 to 80% of people are showing up every day not fulfilled or completely disconnected from what they're doing. So if you're feeling stuck or there has to be more than this, like you really don't know what your purpose is, but you know that you're not living it, then you're gonna want to stick around for this conversation because that's exactly where we were and what got us started on our path. When we started asking ourselves the questions like, what actually makes my life feel like it means something? We're gonna walk through a simple framework to help you stop feeling stuck and start building a life that actually feels meaningful.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

All right. So basically your job pays the bills, but what actually gives you purpose? Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

That's the million-dollar question.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Right. So when we decided that our careers, my previous job and your job back in Connecticut, we knew back then that we weren't fulfilled.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Oh God, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

So there was a feeling every single day, dreading to go to work. Yeah. And like you said, based on the stats, that about 75 to 80% of people are not fulfilled andor not engaged.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

And that's actually a really sad way to live.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yeah, you're living for the weekends, you're waiting to see, waiting for your vacation accrual to be refilled.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Right. You're basically having a job which is a stability, but it's not fulfillment.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

You're going through the emotions every day, you're just showing up, you do your job.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

But you're not fulfilling your purpose, or you're not actually fulfilling your desires.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Yeah, you still feel empty and depressed. That's where I was. Miserable, empty, depressed, awful feeling.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Then you have this quiet thought, like, is this really it? You know, we knew all this years ago. But the thing is, Kim, the last maybe the last year at my previous job, I noticed that you don't even have time to think that you want something different. You get so absorbed by your job.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Yeah, you get trapped.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

That you just go in, you know, you just go to work, do the job, get it done.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Just focused on fulfilling your responsibilities rather than focusing on what actually brings you joy and happiness.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

So that is really hard to overcome. But there is a false belief. At least it pays the bills. Right. That's what people think, or I used to think. Yeah. I should be grateful. That's another one, right? And more parents get really happy. Oh my God, you should be grateful.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

And I'm not denying that you should be grateful you have a job. If you're going through life, you're trying to build something.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Yeah. It's like my parents would always tell me these were the beliefs that they instilled in me when I was a young child. Well, you should be grateful. And this is what life is. Like life is hard. You know, like when I would complain about my job when I was getting older and starting in my career or whatever, my dad, you know, he was so happy that I had this great job or whatever. And he would be like, Oh my gosh, you you should be so grateful when I complained about it. He would be like, You should be grateful. You make really good money. You know, you have a hundred percent paid medical benefits. Like, that's unheard of. And you know, you should, you know, just suck it up and go to work. And I was like, but I'm miserable.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Yeah. So we confuse stability with purpose.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

So it seems like you can now have the best of both worlds, but we actually can. Right. Again, I always say it, it's a decision away. And it's not easy to just to get out one day and say, okay, I'm changing my life for good. But you have to reframe your mind and make a decision. Yep. And pause for a second and like, hey, I'm not happy. I gotta do something about it. Like again, going back to the stats, 75 to 80%.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Is it because society was the system is built like that.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

The system was built like that, but we also have the power to do something about it. For sure. One of the things came that people feel, and I we used to feel also, and everybody actually feels it, like the job felt or feels like it's basically holding your life together.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

Yeah, of course, paying your mortgage, your rent, your car, all your bills, and you feel like it's somehow you have control, right? Somehow you have this stability, but there's no purpose. So we're just kind of trying to find that purpose.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Yeah, it's like when you lost your job, right? You had your identity tied to your job. I mean, since we moved to Arizona, you were supporting our family. I was running the business from home, but it wasn't in a place where it could have supported us at that time.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

So your identity, our identity, our family's identity was based on you having this job.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

And then when you lost the job, it's like everything felt like it was it felt very scary. I'm not gonna say it all felt like our world was falling apart because we were somewhat prepared for it emotionally and like we had we had already put into the universe that we wanted you out of that job. So it didn't feel like our world was crumbling because we did have control over our emotions at that time. But had that been like five years prior, or even or 10 or five years prior, yes, that would have been like our world was crumbling. But given the position we were in, we had some control over our emotions. But that was really the moment that everything changed for us.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Yeah, to your point, Kim, that we were preparing to move to the next level.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Right. We we had already started doing the work.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

I was making a plan for a long time. We were making a plan for a long, long time.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

For me to to quit or so, or or find things that actually fulfills me. But you have to make a plan. Yeah. You have to make a decision. You have to kind of really explore a little bit what you like out there. You know, you need to overcome that fear that you're confusing destability with purpose. Yeah. And you don't want to be go to work and be miserable every single day. How long are you gonna are you gonna be living like that?

SPEAKER_00 6:25

I did that for like 20 years or more. And it's a miserable way to live. It I always say to like my kids, like, don't do what I did because I was chained to a desk for over 20 years in a career that I hated. And I couldn't I could finish my job on a Monday and I had to stay sit at my desk till Friday. It was a miserable existence for me.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

So it's not about what job should I have, but what actually makes me feel alive. And I know it's hard. Like it's just dreaming that that kind of job doesn't exist or that doesn't really make sense. Uh, but you need to find something that what makes my life feel meaningful. So that's the ultimate goal. What job should I have to make me feel alive?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Y your purpose shouldn't be tied to like a title or your income. Your purpose has to come from within and what makes you feel fulfilled, what makes you feel alive? What brings you happiness? What brings you peace? What brings you joy? What makes you want to get up in the morning? And if you can't answer those questions right off the bat, I know I struggled with that for many, many, many, many, many years.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

But I knew at my core that what made me happy was to help people. I didn't know how to help people because I had so many limiting factors, like, gee, I don't want to go back to school and become a psychiatrist or, you know, this or that or the other thing. So I struggled with that question for so many years. But I kept coming back to that feeling of knowing that that's what brought me happiness.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

So it's not about the paycheck, not the title, it's what actually matters to you. So let's say you're making$70,000,$80,000 a year and you really want to make you want to make more money, but at the same time, you want to find something that actually matters to you. So focus on the things that fulfills you. Once you find that, the money's gonna come. Right. Because you know that your goal also is to just make more money while you're doing the things that matter to you. So don't fall in the trap. I'm gonna get this job, spend more money, and putting on the side the things that fulfill your purpose or fulfill your desires or your dreams because you're gonna fall in the same trap. And it's really hard not to see that.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

And the a trap that I always fell into when I was trying to find something that made me happy while I was being chained to my desk, is I was waiting for this big breakthrough to come. I was waiting for some sort of clarity to come. And surprise, surprise, it never came. Like there was never one big aha moment where I was like, oh my God, this is what I want to do. And I just knew with certainty that I was meant to do it and just get on the path and start walking down the path and doing the things to get there. Like I never had such a moment. And I was waiting and waiting and digging and researching and trying to figure that out and how to find that moment, but it never came.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

Because instead of figuring it out, we just have to build it. Right. And people don't ever, ever think about I'm gonna build something. And I'm not saying that you have to build something, let's say, build a business or build an online website. No. No, it's you basically build an idea and build yourself up.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Yeah. Build your idea of happiness. You need to build that idea, like step by step, start building it. It's not gonna be this big aha moment. Some people, I'm sure, have that. Maybe like a doctor or is like, I feel so fulfilled helping people do whatever I do in my daily practice. Like, great. And they've known that since they were a child, and they just wanted to be a doctor, so they knew the path they had to take, right? Like those people I was always jealous of because I never had any of that.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Yeah, so I I read the other day on the neighborhood app about this lady that she says, I'm making great, great money, but that's not my passion. My passion is that I want to be a teacher. For those out there, can you please tell me if this is a great thing to do? You know, because she's gonna be cutting her salary. Right. But she was saying in the post that her dream is to be a teacher. So then I went and I hopped on the comments, you know, to see what people say out there. A lot of people were saying, Don't do it, you're making a lot of money, don't do it, blah, blah, blah. Some other people were saying, please do it. I'm making 50, 60,000 bucks a year. I'm so happy with my decisions. I get up in the morning so excited to be with the kids, to teach the kids. And you know, so a lot of people were excited to actually be a teacher. And it surprised me. And I'm not saying that I, you know, that they have a shitty job because it takes a gene, I think, to teach kids every single day.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

It takes a lot of dedication, a lot of patience.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

A lot of love. Again, that's not for everybody. You have to get up and go every single day, go to a room full of students that you have to educate them, right? So when I read that, I I thought, wow, you're making a lot of money. You want to be a teacher, you're gonna cut your salary, let's say in a half. But I read some other comments that it says you can even make more money coming this way because you have so much experience. Yeah. With your expertise, you know, you can take some classes and now you could go teach advanced kids or some other schools or whatever, and you will maybe have to cut your salary. Yeah. Or you'll be close to it. But no one, the majority of the comments, no one was seeing it that way.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

They were seeing it, yep, you're cutting your job in a half, you're gonna be in a a teacher on a second grade.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Well, that's honestly what cut it's funny that you're saying that, because that's honestly what kept me stuck for so long of what path to go on. Because, like I said, I always had this inner knowing that I wanted to help people, and I thought, okay, well, let me break that down, right? Let me dig into how I can help people. And then I would look at, you know, a salary for like, let's say a therapist. And I'm like, well, that doesn't really align with me. I want to make a lot more money in my life. Like I've had I have big goals and dreams of how much money I want to make. And I was already making more than what a therapist would make in my career. So that alone kept me stuck.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

And I would constantly be digging into that, and that would hold me back from moving forward on my path of what would help me feel fulfilled.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Yeah. Because you back then, Kim, you didn't know that you needed to build. That's what I'm trying to get.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

Try to get to this message. Like that lady, you're leaving your corporate job. I don't know. She didn't say how much money was making, but she said, like, I'm making good, good money, and I'm gonna jump into this. Yeah. You know? So she needed, again, she needed just to like, like I said a minute ago, build herself to be a teacher. So she doesn't feel the pressure, oh, I'm cutting my my salary that much, and I don't even know if the right move, because of course, if you cut it in a half, now you're fulfilled, right? Somehow, but now you're not paying the bills, you're making little money, and it could stress you out because you know, I guess at that point she already built a life with the money she's making, right? So, okay, before I jump into that, I'm gonna build myself. This is what I know in corporate. Again, I'm assuming she was in corporate America or so. I'm gonna take some classes and then I jump into that again, building herself up.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

I wish you would have sent me that post. I would have sent her some truth bombs because that's exactly the people that I would love to help. Is like, yeah, like exactly what we're saying here is you need to build your stepping stones to get yourself in a position where you can do what it is that you want to do.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

And some other comments that I read, this was my takeaway. Like some of them, they were just like a lot of people, they were just teaching, they were teaching out there because they didn't know what else to do. Oh, yeah. They were just afraid, maybe their family, their old teachers.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Their grandmothers, their teachers, and they were so I got into this and teaching and well, I mean, you could tell some of the teachers out there are not so happy doing what they're doing. And I can't say I blame them. If it but if it's not your passion, you get pigeonholed into this job. We've talked about that before. Like you get pigeonholed into a career like I did. You know, my mom trained me to be like a a bookkeeper, and I ended up being an assistant controller, and I was pigeonholed into this career that I got stuck in because I didn't know what else to do and I was making such good money that I lost myself. I lost my sense of purpose and I had no sense of purpose. I had no meaning in my life. So yeah. So to your point, Ken, we really need to build this foundation that stems from action, experiences, alignment, that kind of stuff. So even after my job, you know, after my company closed and I started working on a business from home, I still really didn't know which way to go. But I kept, I kept that core belief within me, like, okay, well, I know I want to help people. So I still like dug around while I'm building the business, while you were working the your job. I kept digging around within myself and playing with different ideas and how can I do this and how can I make it work and how can I feel fulfilled because I had this emptiness, like this hardcore empty pit in my stomach where I just was so unfulfilled and miserable. So I started digging around with the life coaching and I was like, well, everything about life coaching like felt fulfilling to me, but I was on the fence. I was like, I don't know, because there was some aspects of it that I was very weary of. And I was, I just kept digging in and I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna take the course. I'm just gonna take it. And I did, of course. And I found like I found that it helped me tremendously, first of all. It helped me personally on so many different levels. It helped me come into alignment with like, yes, this is really what I want to do. I want to help people.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

And this was a few years ago. I wasn't sure at that time, like I my path still wasn't clear, you know. But I knew that, like, yes, I love this.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

You had to rebuild it.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

So you have you started rebuilding. Yeah. You got the life coach certification to graduate it. Yeah. And now look at you helping people.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Look at me helping people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

So releasing episodes every week, being dedicated to the podcast, right? To bring a good message for those out there that needs, you know, hear what we got to offer.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

My point was that I started taking the steps even before I knew. Like there was no clarity again. There was no aha moment. We're like, yes, this is exactly what I want to do. I'm gonna go do it. There was none of that. There was just like a piece. And I was like, oh, maybe that's a piece of the puzzle. I don't know, but let me find out if that if that is. So I I started taking the classes, of course. I moved through it, I made friends, I learned so much and I become certified. And that was great. The clarity in that came after I took the action. It wasn't before. Like I said, it was just like a piece of the puzzle that I thought maybe this will fit because it resonated with me on some level.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

I took the leap of faith and I was just like, let me see where this leads me. And here we are with this podcast where we can help people. And I get to put together my guides every for every episode that I know help people.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Yeah, and they're all free. You can go to our websites and download them. There's tons of resources there at can and can podcast.com. And again, you just go there, you'll find tons of resources that could help you out in the change careers or personal development, tons of free tools that we have there.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

So for today, we build a nice framework.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

The framework that we built for you guys is to find your true purpose. And purpose isn't one thing, like we were saying. It's built from patterns. And that's kind of where you have to dig into yourself a little bit to find your patterns. Mine personally was helping people.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Because we know the purpose is something you build by paying attention to what works. And here's how you actually start doing that. So step one, follow what makes you feel alive. What gives you energy, what feels natural, not what looks good, not what makes sense. Feeling alive is a signal, not something to ignore. When you're trying to find your path, again, follow what makes you feel alive. What gives you energy, what feels natural to you, what feels fully aligned with yourself. This is just a framework for you guys so you can start identifying how to change to start a new path.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

And it that doesn't mean like what looks good on the outside or what makes you a lot of money or what your parents, what makes your parents happy, or what you think your parents want you to do, or your family, or whomever you're trying to appease, your wife, your husband, what gives you energy, what feels good to you. So step two is you want to build on what you're already good at, which means like the skills that you already have and the things that already come naturally to you. You're not starting from zero, you're you're coming from a place of experience. You don't need a brand new life. You need to build on what's already there.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

Just like the example I just gave a minute ago about the person that was in a corporate job. She just needed to build on herself. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

She's not starting over. She's not starting from ground ground zero. She's starting from experience.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

Step three, connect it to other people. Helping others, creating value, feeling useful. Because at the end of the day, you really want to feel the life. Yeah. Right. The purpose grows through contribution, believe it or not. You know, we all feel good when we're kind of helping others at some point.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Right. It comes natural to us.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Yeah. Well, that was my thing, is that I was connecting my purpose to helping other people. Like that I knew from so long ago, even though I wasn't doing it, I knew what deep within my heart that that's what was missing for me was helping other people. And I needed to create value and I needed to feel useful for other people.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

Yeah. Right. So you're building something, right? We're all builders. Yeah. We're all creators. And this is where most people hesitate. Yeah. But this actually how the world works, right? Salespeople are helping people. Right. Every industry is helping others.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

We just don't see it that way. Every industry, everything that we do at our jobs, it's just to accomplish to serve another human.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah. Like a car salesman is helping, even if he's not fulfilled selling cars, like he is serving somebody. He is helping somebody. Real estate agents, they are serve, a lot of them, like their purpose, they get so much fulfillment from it.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

From helping people find their dream home.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

Yep. If you're a developer, if you're developing a software or something, the end goal is a consumer, right? It's going to be another person. So when you see the world from that perspective, what's my contribution to the world? Because for a lot of people, it's like, yeah, but I need the money. But but I don't want to make less money if I change careers. But that's, you know, the thing is that in the end you're going to be helping others. Right. As you transition to this new path, in the end, there's going to be a consumer. Which is a person just like you or me.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Yep. And that's where the fulfillment piece comes from.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

And step four is to test it in real life. And this is what I was talking about the life coaching for me. You want to try things, start small, experiment with different things, which is exactly what I did. I was just like, I couldn't see the end result. I couldn't see what I wanted to do with life coaching, but I knew that there were elements of it that really resonated with my heart. And so I was like, well, it's a it's a course. I can take it. I can learn a ton from it. If I use it, I use it great. If I don't, I learned a ton from it. And I tried it. And it was a step in the right direction rather than staying stuck and doing nothing. Those were my options. So I tried it.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

Exactly. So you don't think your way into purpose, you act your way into it.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Right. With those small baby steps. You're acting your way. You're stepping into it. You're not just sitting around thinking about it and waiting for your big aha moment. You're acting.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

So now you have four steps framework. It's up to you now to do it. And I know that this is exactly where people get stuck. Why people don't do this. And let me tell you why. Fear of choosing Ron is one of them.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

That was my biggest one that kept me stuck for 20 plus years.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Yeah. Fear of losing stability. Because I know throughout the show today, people are like, yeah, but I don't want to jump into this and I'm going to be making less money. They're going to be helping others. What about me?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

I have four kids. And I'm going to start at the entry level. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Yeah. So where people don't do this, fear of choosing wrong is one of them. Fear of losing stability is a big one. Staying stuck feels safer.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Yes. You definitely need to stop asking, what is my purpose? That's something I needed to do for myself because I kept searching for this purpose instead of taking action. I just remained stuck and blocked because I was so fearful of choosing the wrong path or fearful of losing my stability. I didn't want to take a pay cut. I didn't want to go into a career where I wouldn't be paid enough. So I just stayed stuck. So instead of asking myself, what is my purpose? I started asking myself, what direction makes me feel more alive? What direction makes me feel more aligned with what I know my core truth is, which for myself was helping people. So I needed to focus on the movement, the progress, my awareness. And if you're wondering if you're on the right track, you're gonna need to have a practical check.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Right. So you need to ask yourself, very simple. Does this give me energy? Do I feel more like myself? Do I feel more aligned? Do I feel more excited? Is this meaningful to me? Do I want to keep going? Do I really want to change?

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Right. Those are great questions to ask yourself.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

So that's the practical check.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

And if the answers to those questions are yes, then you just keep going. You keep building. And your purpose, it's not like some hidden thing. It's gonna show up in what you keep coming back to.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Absolutely. It will show up.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Feeling lost is actually part of the process. I mean, because you have to feel lost in order to find yourself. You have to take the small stepping stones in order to find out what does work, what doesn't work. Like you could, you may think you were interested in whatever art. You want to be an artist and you you take an art class and you're like, no, actually, I really hated drawing. But because you took that drawing class, you saw the person painting next to you, and then you're like, well, let me try a painting class. And you're like, oh shit, I love painting. And that's how you like take the small steps to find the meaning. Like you have to make the mistakes in order to figure out what it is that you don't like. Those steps are just as important as taking the steps that are on the right path.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Once you make the decision, you're going to start recalibrating what actually aligns with you.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

And honing in on that target.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

It's going to take some time. You have to go with full intention. Remember, you're changing yourself and you're changing the world, believe it or not. Always helping another human on the other end. We just don't see it that way. Right. You know, those are the contributions that we do every single day. And no one talks about it.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

You're not behind when you're in this phase.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

And that's exactly where you want to start. Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

Remember, you are building yourself up.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

So your job might pay the bills, but it doesn't define your purpose. Purpose isn't something you find one day, it's something you build over time.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

And the moment you start asking what actually makes you feel alive, that's when everything starts to change. And we're really excited to share this framework with you because I know from personal experience that it has really helped me to discover my purpose and where I'm going in life and what I want from it and what I want my life to look like. Using the framework and trusting the process by taking these small actions and small steps are what has brought me here today. And I know it can do the same for you.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

I believe and we believe that this framework will actually give you a way to find purpose in your life.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

I hope you've enjoyed this conversation because this one has a lot of meaning for us. It's helped me significantly, and I hope it can help you too. Share your success stories with us. We would love to hear more about them.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Yeah, absolutely. All right, we'll see you next time. All right, bye-bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 27:27

Hey there. If you liked this episode, please like, share, and join our community. And check out our website at Ken and KimPodcast.com for free tools and resources. We'll talk to you next time.