The Elephant Chain: The Hidden Conditioning Keeping You Stuck - Episode 17

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Most people think they're stuck because life is hard, because things didn't work out, because they tried and failed. But what if that's not the truth? What if the reason you're not moving forward has nothing to do with your ability and everything to do with something you learned years ago? A belief, a moment, a pattern, something you accepted as true, that you never questioned again, and now it's running your life. Not because it's real, but because you believe it is. And today we're breaking down a powerful metaphor, the story of the elephant. And once you see it, you won't be able to unsee it. So, what if the only thing keeping you stuck right now is something you learned years ago that isn't even true anymore?

SPEAKER_00 0:49

That's right, most people don't even realize they're living their life based on beliefs they created years ago and never even question them. Today we're breaking down a powerful story from the book Your Wish Is Your Command by Kevin Trudeau, and how it explains exactly why people stay stuck and how to break out of it. And the story goes like this Anytime you start thinking positive, anytime you start thinking outside of that negative pattern that you have in the past, that negative pattern keeps pulling you back because it is powerful. What it comes down to is you then start doubting and you start putting limitations on yourself. You think consciously or subconsciously, I can't. Remember what Henry Ford said. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way, you're right. Imagine an elephant. Do you know how to train an elephant? Did you ever go to a circus and see these big, powerful, magnificent beasts? They are chained up with what looks like a relatively small chain around an ankle. One ankle. And this chain around the ankle goes into a stake in the ground, and it's not in cement. They just pound these stakes in the ground. The elephant is just standing. He's not trying to get away. Anytime the elephant feels the slightest pressure on his ankle from the small chain connected to the stake in the ground, he just instantly stops. He gives up. He accepts that he is chained and cannot move. As I was watching this one time, I thought, this is goofy. I'm sure this magnificent, powerful animal could just pull his leg and it would yank that stake right out of the ground. So I talked to one of the guys at the circus and I asked, Can't that elephant just yank that stake out of the ground? The keeper said, Yes and no. He has the power to do it, but he can't do it. He went on, you see, the way elephants are trained is when they're very small, we put an identical chain around their ankle. But what we do is we don't put it to a stake in the ground. We bolt the chain into cement. So no matter how much effort the elephant puts into trying to escape, he can't escape. You watch these little baby elephants struggle. They will pull and pull and pull day after day, or week after week, trying to escape. Then one day they give up. They realize there's no way, no matter how much effort they put in, that they can escape. The elephant is trained at that point. You have conditioned him to fail. He has been programmed. All you have to do then is just tap a stake in the ground and tie a chain to one of its ankles. The moment the elephant moves his leg and feels even the slightest resistance, he stops trying. He has been conditioned that it will be fruitless. He quits at the slightest resistance. That's why the big mammoth adult elephant, which has a hundred times more power than the baby, doesn't even try to break free from the chains that bind him. He could break free in an instant, but he doesn't know that. You see, the elephant is bound and chained in his mind. The chain is not holding him. His beliefs are keeping him a slave.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

That's actually crazy when you think about it.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

This massive, powerful animal could break free in any moment, and it just doesn't even try because of the conditioning.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

And the reason it's not a chain, it's what the elephant believed about the chain.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

And at one point it was actually trying and struggling and pulling and fighting and it failed over and over again.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

And eventually it just stopped trying. Not because it couldn't, but because it learned that it couldn't.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

It makes me sad to think about how many people are actually doing this right now. They try something, they fail, they think, I'm not good at this, I can't do it. Or they tried something and it didn't stick and I don't have discipline. Or they try something new, they felt uncomfortable and they give up, they quit, they're like, oh, this isn't for me. So they just stay chained to their current circumstances.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

So they stop trying. People stop trying because of what happened in the past. So they're condition, they're present based on the past. The scary part is that people don't even question it. They just accept that as truth. People don't even realize it that you're conditioned, you're present based on your past.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Because you were conditioned when you were when you were a kid. You were programmed to fail. And we just believe that this is who I am. This is just how life is. This is just what happens to me.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Right. And people never stop to actually ask, like, is this actually true? Like these beliefs that they're holding on to. They're never like, they never stop and think about like, wait, is that actually true? Is this really who I am? And this programming starts from the time you're born to they say about age seven is when it starts to become a permanent part of your being.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

You're absorbing beliefs and behaviors directly into your subconscious.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

And they're formed from your experiences, your failures, things that people said to you. One moment in your childhood can shape the rest of your life. Being told you're not good enough, or if you fail too early, or you get rejected from a parent or a friend or a teacher. Anything somebody says to you can form one of these beliefs.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

From birth to age seven, the brain is like a sponge. It's easy to be conditioned by, like you said, Kim, by your parents, by your neighbors, your school. When I was a kid, I used to live by the water and I love to go with my friends. To love to go to the ocean and boogie board. But my mom always she hated it for me to go to the ocean and say, hey Ken, don't go, don't go that deep. You don't know how to swim. She would always say that, you don't know how to swim. And the boogie board was attached to my wrist, right? And I was always afraid that if I lose the boogie board, I won't be able to float. But the funny thing is I was near to the boogie board sometimes because of a wave or or you know, somehow the boogie board won't be close to me. Yeah. But I was floating.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

But in my head, I had this fear like I don't know how to swim. But I'm already floating.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

And and I remember that that I was so conditioned and I have this fear while I was when I was in the ocean because I used to go really far, really deep with my friends, crazy. I was just like, I wouldn't even sometimes I think about it like how brave I was to do that that young. I was maybe 12, 13. Go that deep that my friends you would even try to reach the bottom and they couldn't even do it. Even they even tried releasing their air from the lungs to see how how far they can go. And some of them like, no, I can't even reach the bottom. Yeah. You know? So that condition was it's probably in me somehow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

So that's a great example, actually. I'm glad you came up with that because these beliefs that are instilled in us, they're not always intentionally trying to the person who's instilling these beliefs is not intentionally trying to instill this negative belief, which your mom wasn't intentionally trying to harm you. Yeah. She was trying to protect you because of her own fear. And she was projecting it on you. She's like, hey, be careful out there. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. And you're taking it as you're embodying her belief of be careful out there. You know, the ocean's a dangerous place. And you're and I can't swim now. So you're embodying her belief.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Yeah, that I cannot swim.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Yeah. So she was like projecting it onto you, and you and it stuck with you. You do know how to swim. We have a pool and we're in it all the time. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

But I'm not an excellent swimmer, but you know, I was like basically. Living by the water, going to the beach with my friends, all my youth. Right. You know.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

And it just and you just carried that fear of the water. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

I carried it for so long.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Yeah. I've actually tried to, because of course I'm guilty of this as a parent myself. Like, I've tried to be cognizant of the words that I use to our own kids. Like, you know, like every time my son leaves the house and he, you know, he's 20 now, but when he started driving, I'd be like, be careful out there, there's a lot of crazy drivers. But like, of course, I just I want him to be safe. But like, if I'm telling him that every time he walks out the door, he's gonna go out there with this fear that something's something could really happen to me. And then he's gonna attract that into his life. Like, and I that's not what I want to do. I want to instill confidence in him and just, you know, be positive. So I'm really trying to, with everything I say to them, be careful how you approach it. How you approach it.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Yeah. Cause of course you want them to be aware of the possibilities, but you also want to have them be aware of your confidence in them. You know, you got this. You're you're gonna do great out there today.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Be a good driver out there today. I know you got it, you know, turn it into a positive, I guess. But watch out for those crazies in the same breath.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Well, of course, you know, your mom meant that in a positive way, but there's also the fears that can be instilled in you in in the negative way for people that grew up in negative environments, you know, that they're instilling the fears that, like, you can't play baseball or you can't, you know, sing or you can't dance. You're not any good at that. You not all of us have supportive parents.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

And some of us do have those negative parents that will instill just negative, nasty things into you, and you grow up believing it. Well, I was told when I was young that I was no good at baseball, so I'm no good when, truth be told, like you're just listening to a parental figure or a teacher or a coach or whatever that really had no idea of your capabilities.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Yeah. And for some reason, people make so much impact, not only our family, it's just also our friends. There's another funny story. I'm laughing because I know you love this one. I didn't know this guy years ago. I think it was in my early 20s, early, early 20s. I was with my friends, we were hanging out, and there was another guy that was invited to hang out with us. I didn't know him, but my friends did. And everyone was making fun of him that he wanted to be a dentist. So we were like five, six guys, and they were just picking, my friends were picking on him, and they were just saying, making fun of him, saying, hey, and everyone was just saying, Oh, look at him. He wants to be a dentist. Who's gonna go to his office? Would you go to his office? No, I won't. And everyone was just laughing. And I was just laughing and laughing. And every two minutes, every three minutes, someone would make a joke about him. Will you go to his office? Would you go visit him? Will you trust him to take care of your teeth?

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Just breaking his balls.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Breaking his balls like you won't believe. And I was just laughing and laughing.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

You weren't even saying anything?

SPEAKER_01 12:10

I wasn't even saying anything because you know I don't know the guy. I didn't know the guy enough to kind of you know make kind of those kind of jokes. Yeah. So I was just quiet and laughing because it was super funny. He was getting very, very upset. And they continued pulling jokes on him, making him feel really bad, and I was just cracking up. And then all of a sudden, that guy couldn't resist anymore, and he punched me. He punched me on the face.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Your nose, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Yeah, he he almost he broke my nose a little bit. He kind of broke my nose or so. Uh yeah, and then my friends kind of, you know, we got into an argument, and you know, we had a kind of fight there, blah, blah, blah. My friends was kind of, you know, pushing him away and this and that. But it was funny that years after, I still remember that, he he probably remembers. If I remember, not only because of the punch, he probably remembers that everyone made fun of him, that he doesn't have what it takes to be a dentist. How bad and it's funny because I know that there we know that there is a lot of people out there that go through this. Yeah. So you're excited about a project, you're excited about this new thing that you wanna start, and you tell your friends or you tell your family, and they crush it in seconds. And now you don't have the same fuel, you don't have the same passion anymore. Now, can we break the chain? Yes, we can, because we're smarter than an elephant, but you will still carry those doubts in you.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Yeah. And that's where the shift needs to happen. And this is where everything changes. It's not the chain that's holding you back, it's your belief about the chain. And that's the moment that you have to ask, what am I believing right now that might not be true? And if you think about your life, you want to start asking yourself, like, what have you stopped trying? What have you accepted as this is just the way it is, or this is who I am, I can't change. Where did you give up? Not because you couldn't, but because you believed you couldn't. So the big question is, how do we break this conditioning? We have created a seven-step framework for you to follow. Step one, identify the chain. You can't break what you don't see.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Overcoming limiting beliefs requires identifying, challenging, and replacing negative self-talk with empowering truth. So become aware of negative thought, such as I'm not enough, or I can do this. Reflect on how this belief hinder your life.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

That's right. What's the thing you've already decided you can't do? Like, I'm not good with money, I'm not disciplined, I'm not confident. That was a big one for me. I've I always said, like, I'm just not confident to do that. I can't do that. I can't. Step two, question the belief. This is where the shift starts. Is that actually true or is it something you learned? Where did this come from? When did I decide this?

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Ask if the belief is absolutely true and what evidence supports it.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Because a belief is just a thought that you've repeated so many times that you accept it as fact when it's not actually fact. It's just something you keep repeating to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Step three, prove it wrong. And this is an accumulation of small wins. You don't break beliefs with thinking, you break it with evidence. The elephant doesn't break free because it never tries again.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

You can write down evidence that contradicts the limiting belief, monitoring daily interactions and feedback to go let proof.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

So, for example, if your belief is I'm not disciplined, you show up once and then write it down every day. Every day that you've shown up once, you write it down. And then you start accumulating these small wins. You don't need to prove the belief wrong forever. It's just once. You keep accumulating the small wins. Step four, interrupt the pattern. Conditioning is repetition. So you break it with interruption. So in our example of the elephant, the conditioning didn't happen just once. They didn't put the chain on and the elephant was just like, oh, okay, I'll just stay right here. No, the trainer said the exact opposite. It was an accumulation of the elephant trying day after day after day, week after week after week. He kept trying to break the chain, the baby elephant, but he couldn't. And so he became conditioned through repetition. So it's exactly the same thing when you're trying to recondition yourself with a new pattern or behavior and repeat, repeat, repeat. Step four, interrupt the pattern. Conditioning is repetition. So you break it with interruption. The moment you hear yourself say, I can't, pause. Replace it with I haven't figured this out yet, or something like this is uncomfortable, not impossible. Your first thought is the conditioning, your second thought is a choice. Step five, change your environment. This is a huge one and often overlooked. If you stay in the same environment that created the belief, it's just gonna keep reinforcing the belief. For example, people who think small, old routines, old identity triggers.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah, you have to surround yourself with positive, uplifting people. Just as the old quote says that you are the average of the five people you surrounded with.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

If you hang out with five poor people, you're gonna be the sixth poor person. Your environment will either reinforce your past or support your future. Step six, act before you feel ready. And this is where most people fail. Embodiment. This is a huge one. Because you're not gonna feel confident at first. Confidence comes after action and the belief comes after evidence. You don't break your chain by waiting, you break it by moving. You have to act and embody what it is you're trying to accomplish.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Behave as though you are red whole the new. If you fear failure, act as if you are confident and capable, which can lead to genuine changes in feelings over time.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Step seven, repeat until identity shifts. And this is how the rebuilding actually happens. Because you're not trying to prove something one time, you're becoming someone new. And the shift here is instead of I'm trying, it would be I'm becoming, or I hope I can, would be I'm the type of person who does this. The goal isn't to break the chain once, it's to become the person who's no longer held by it.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

And the golden nugget for this framework is actually practice self-compassion. Understand that failures are learning experiences and be patient with yourself during the change process. We know this by experience. Once you acknowledge that you want to overcome or break the conditioning, you have to acknowledge that it's a process that it's gonna take before you become that new person or that new you.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

So just to summarize the break the chain framework. Step one, identify the belief. Step two, question it. Step three, prove it wrong with small wins, step four, interrupt the pattern. Step five, change your environment. Step six, take action before you feel ready. Step seven, repeat until identity changes. And the final reminder is the elephant could break free at any moment. It just doesn't know it. The question is, where in your life are you stronger than you think, but still acting like you're stuck? If this episode resonated with you or helped you in any way, we'd love for you to share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you're ready to go deeper, we created something for you. Head over to Ken and Kim Podcast.com where you can get access to our full library of rebuild guides. These are step-by-step tools designed to help you actually apply what we talk about here. And if you want to connect with us, join our private Facebook community, the Rebuild Room, where we're having real conversations about rebuilding your life. We'll see you in the next episode.