Why You Keep Losing Motivation (And How to Finally Get Back on Track) Episode 12

SPEAKER_02 0:00

You know what I was thinking today? I was thinking, like, why do I get so excited about an idea and I start it, but then I lose momentum?

SPEAKER_03 0:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

I've done it a million times. We've we've done it a million times with different businesses that we've started, different ideas that we've had. We've had like the well, we have our e-commerce business now, but like it went through many different cycles of what we wanted that to look like. Before that, we did it with drop shipping, we did it with the restaurants, we did it with, or I did it with a blog that I was starting. I did it with a jewelry website that I had. I did it with books that I've written and just all these different things. And I get really excited about an idea, even things that haven't come to fruition as far as taking it that far, but like so many ideas that I've had that I just lose the momentum.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Yeah. And I think that happened to all of us, right? Like you get excited with something, and all of a sudden you're like, I want to do this, I'm gonna do that. You start working on the project, and all of a sudden you're like, you get to this kind of plateaus that things are not working, and or maybe you don't get motivated.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

And one of the things that we all fall into is always waiting for the motivation. Right? That's a tough one.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

That's a it's a huge one that we fall into. Yeah, that's a big one. The motivation. I'm always looking for motivation.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

And the motivation, everyone kind of expects it, right? Like, oh well. You know, I gotta be motivated. And we're all we all are in the beginning. Yeah. The beginning we're all very excited. The first week, two weeks, it's like a renewed relationship. You're so excited. Then all of a sudden things happened, you got a bad news, or you have financial issues or medical issues, whatever the case might be, and then all of a sudden you kind of lose the momentum and you lose the motivation, and you're like, man, things are not really working. And then you kind of start backtracking or going to a different direction.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

I know that's a big one for me because even just recently when my dad was in the hospital and I had to shift gears in my mind. I had my week planned of what I intended to get done, and then he ended up in the hospital, and he's in Connecticut, we're in Arizona, so I had to completely regroup and shut it down and change all my plans, my schedule and everything, and get to Connecticut. And I had to completely shift my mindset, which was fine. I was so happy to be able to do that for him and go there. But as soon as I got back, I couldn't get back in the groove of things because I was just overwhelmed with emotion and all that stuff. And then I immediately got sick, which is just something that's so common for me. As soon as I have a stressful event, I my body just breaks down and gets sick as soon as the event is over. I could not get back into the motivation and I'm searching for it. And I remember speaking to one of my friends that we kind of have a weekly meeting, a check-in meeting, and go over all the things. And she tried to help me walk me through that and try to get me back on track, and she did. But you know, there's tips and tricks that you have to use to get back on track, but you can't wait for motivation to strike, it's the movement and the momentum that starts it, and then motivation comes.

SPEAKER_04 3:33

Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

It's so hard for me to make that connection because when you're in that moment of frustration and aggravation and upset with yourself because you can't get motivated, you just don't feel motivated. It's not a feeling that's gonna come. You just have to jump in and start the movement, and it's the motion.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Yeah. The movement. Exactly. I think this happened also when you find that kind of passion at the moment. We're all seeking to start something new in our life. We have these kind of goals that kind of triggers or kicks in. So when we are starting a new project, you have to kind of align with it. So let's say you get this new idea that you want to work on, and then there's a period that you need to have some sort of alignment. This is what I believe because this happened to me. So let's say I find this exciting project that really resonates with me. I want to get it going. So to your point, everything at the beginning starts fine. You cannot start aligning with the idea, but then something happened, and in this case, what happened with your dad that got sick, can I leave you threw you off, right? So you were aligned, but kind of threw you off. Your mind and your thoughts and your ideas couldn't be focused on that project that you wanted to work on. And you came back from Connecticut and you got sick and you tried to again align everything to that project. And that's when we have to really know how to find a way to manage how to go back to that alignment. It's like a tuning a guitar. Like you have to align and continue pushing forward. But then let's say you go back to that state, okay, I'm aligned, I'm working on it. You get into this bumpy road or obstacles that maybe you need to open a website, you don't know how to open a website. What a nightmare. Even though there's a lot of tools out there, we fall into these obstacles, you know, what kind of software am I gonna use or provider or whatever the case might be.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

And then you're like, oh, I don't know anything about software. Let me Google that. And oh, I don't know any of the providers, and let me figure that out. And then you run into wall after wall after wall.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

And then you feel like, oh, I don't know how to do it. I can't even exactly. And it's funny because there is always a way. Then you have to focus on the problem or maybe outsource the problem. Those little obstacles keep people stuck, and then you lose motivation. Because that happened to me when I was opening e-commerce or dropshipping back in 2016 or so. I have to figure out how to build the website with Shopify. I remember I was working every single night right after work from like 8 to 12 every single day. I was obsessed with it. That was a lot of work. Because I remember that I feel burnt out. Some nights I was like in two hours just trying to do a lot of stupid things on the website, like this is not taking me anywhere. No, you know, and then you're feeling like I should be doing some other things. And that's why you feel like you lose motivation. Take a break and then watch some videos, go for a walk, talk to friends, I don't know, take a week and a half, and then kind of reset because we just kinda go in a burnt out mode.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

Oh, 100%. When I got back from my dad's and then I was sick, I was feeling guilty, that anxious feeling where I can't sit still because I know I want to do all these things, and I missed a week of work and I want to be working on all the things, but my body's literally telling me, nope, you're not doing that, you're sick. So just sit there and deal with it. And it's like, okay, you have to have a little grace with yourself and be like, okay, my body's telling me I'm sick for a reason. I need to recover.

SPEAKER_04 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Instead of sitting here thinking about I need to get to work, I need to work, I have so many things to do. Oh my god, I'm a week behind. I need to catch up. Instead of letting that loop run in my mind, I was like, nope, shut it down. Yeah, just shut up. Stop, stop the loop in its tracks. And I was like, My body's telling me that I'm sick. I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna lay in bed, I'm gonna take a nap, I'm gonna do the things I have to do, you know, get my daughter to school and whatever. But my body is literally telling me I'm sick. I'm gonna give myself grace, I'm gonna give it the rest that it needs, I'm gonna eat all the pineapple that it needs because I was coughing. I'm gonna do all the things that I need to do in order to get it back to health. I'm gonna take my vitamins, I'm gonna just sleep the day away, and it's okay. Instead of fighting with my mind the entire time that I'm trying to recuperate, and what I used to do is, oh, I'm just gonna go sit at my desk. I feel like crap. I'm so sick, I'm coughing, I'm so tired, and my body hurt, everything aches, and whatever, but I'm gonna sit at my desk anyways, and I'm gonna do some work. I wasn't effective at my work, I wasn't getting anything done. I just felt like crap the entire time. So give yourself the grace and take the break that you need. In your case, when you're building the website, give your brain the break that it needs. In my case, it was like give my body the break that it needs, and it's telling me that I need. Don't spin your wheels about it. It's just when you and I take a nap on a Saturday or a Sunday afternoon, we're like, oh, well, how was your nap? And you're like, it was awful. I just sat there and thought about the hundred things that I need to get done. I'm like, same. The things we wish we were doing instead of taking a nap when our body was literally telling us we need a nap because we're exhausted.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Right. Right, true. Then how do I stay consistent when when the motivation disappears?

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Step one is when the motivation disappears, listen to what your body's telling you. That's step one. Like if you need the break, then take the break.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Right, right. I mean, don't lose focus because I know sometimes things kind of cool off. That happened to us a lot with the business or when you were writing your book. Man, there's no progress. What's going on?

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

But for me, even if I just kind of stop and think about what's not working, that for me is still progress. And I know for you, because you said we're not doing anything, but I feel like I'm still thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

And I'm like, there's no momentum, but I think that I'm still kind of putting thoughts into it. I know it's not really moving the needle, but I feel like I am pondering the issue, how I want to move forward. I also meditate and I read there's some apps that we pay for to meditate, to read some articles about meditation, spirituality, personal development, things that keep me motivated and keeps my mind sharp to change how I go.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

Yeah, another thing I wanted to say about motivation. When I lose motivation and I get off track, I find myself not wanting to go back to the project, whatever it was. And then I realized that it's okay to get off track. It's okay to go help your dad when he's sick, or be sick yourself, or take some time off to do whatever it is that you have going on in your life. It's okay to take those breaks. Give yourself the grace, but know that you can jump back into the project when you're ready. And you don't have to feel ready. It's just like, okay, I got done with getting back from Connecticut. I got done with being sick. And then I sit down on my desk on that following Monday morning after being sick, and I'm like, okay, I need to jump back in now. And it was like I felt deflated. Like I just still didn't have motivation. It still wasn't there. I had to remind myself, okay, well, I'm not searching for a feeling right now. I just need to jump in. I just need to dive in and start working on something within the project. I need to just jump in and start on the project. And I did. And as soon as I did that, it was like slowly started coming back to me. Like, oh, okay. Now I get the excitement and then it starts rolling. But at first it felt like a struggle and it felt like torture. And I was like, oh my God, I don't want to be doing this. Maybe I should just, you know, go take a nap. But I didn't want to let myself feel that way. And I I didn't want to just give into quitting the project. But it's okay to take those breaks, but you just have to jump back in and you have to keep going with the project. And the motivation will slowly come back. It's not an immediate fix, but that's how I deal with it. I just kind of keep going, pushing through the resistance that I'm feeling, and eventually I can get back on track.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

I get it, Kim. Yeah, that's very true. And it's funny because a lot of us we're always waiting on the motivation to kick in. And the motivation is so reliable. We're always waiting for the motivation to kick in to start the project, to get up in the morning, to go to the gym, to go to work. But there's some people that they just sabotage themselves. Everything f everything is working fine, everything is okay. But then at some point they just feel like, oh well, I don't deserve this, or I don't feel like this is for me. And fears kind of kicking as well. And you wonder how is that even possible that these person so talented? They have these fears. Sometimes I wonder, because I met people like that in the past, they just feel like they're not qualified. How crazy is that? Is that like an issue? Something happened when they were kids. I don't feel like I self-sabotage myself that much, but I know that some people do.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

A habitual self-sabotager. I've sabotaged myself my entire life.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Literally. Everything I do. I talk myself out of it.

SPEAKER_04 13:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Every project I've ever come up with, every business idea I've ever come up with, I'm like I quit. When things get hard, I'm like, nope, I can't do it. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I don't have the right tools. I don't have the right knowledge. I don't have the money to do that. I don't have the right connections to do that. I don't know what I'm doing. Who do I think I am? Literally every single project I've ever come up with.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

That blows my mind when I hear that. I read something today.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Story of my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Maybe that's what's been holding us back. Like my self-sabotage has been holding you and I both back. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

I don't feel like that. I don't really feel like I'm not capable of things. I'm always very positive. I'm always feeling very capable to get things done. But do I lose motivation? Yeah. Oh yeah. Every single fucking day, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Well, don't get me wrong. I don't sit there and oh, I'm not I'm just not good enough. Suck them. Well, I mean, sometimes I do that, but that's not the crux of it. That's the underlying fear and the underlying belief that is there for me, but I it's not what I'm telling myself. I make excuses, like, oh no, I just don't have the money to put into that project, it's not gonna work out. But yeah, the bottom line is the underlying fear is I'm not good enough and I can't figure this out.

SPEAKER_04 15:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

If I had eradicated that fear, then I would figure it out and I would take the next step, which I'm learning. I am in the process of learning how to do that and how to eradicate that fear. But that's very much the history of my life has been self-sabotaging. And before I even understood that the belief that was underlying, I very much knew that it was me holding me back. And I was like, well, maybe it's because I just don't have confidence. And okay, maybe I don't have confidence, but that's not my underlying fear. The underlying fear is I'm not good enough. People are gonna judge me.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

No, let me ask you this because I heard something very interesting today that made me think, hmm, I do not have an inner voice telling me because apparently there is people that have an inner voice talking to them. This self-sabotage voice. But apparently there's some other people for what I heard today in this podcast that instead of having this voice, I'm not good enough, they're just picturing in their mind that they're not self-worthy. Or let's just to give an example. Some people could think, Oh, I like apples. But some people are just thinking the fruit itself. They're not thinking about I like the apple. It's just they're just thinking about the image and not a voice. So it's so weird. You have a voice talking to you, but there are some others that are just picturing the images instead of having voices. And I think that happened more to me instead of the voice, I have more the image, believe it or not.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Let's say we're gonna go you don't have a voice talking to you?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

No. The voice that I have is I know that it's my own voice, and I'm self-aware that I'm talking to myself because I want it to be that way. It's not just this creepy voice. I that voice doesn't kick in in my brain. What kicks in in my brain is are you kidding? You can do this. So it's the this optimistic voice.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

So you only have an optimistic voice comes to me.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

It's crazy. It never gets this creepy no.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

So you I mean that doesn't surprise me, but in the same breath it surprises me. Only because I know you so well and you're very optimistic. But in the same breath, it's shocking to me because I only have a pessimistic voice talking to me. Oh, you suck, you can't do that. Are you pretty?

SPEAKER_00 17:38

This optimistic voice is just I'm aware that I'm creating it to kind of reassure myself that whatever if I'm going to a meeting in the morning, I'm gonna have a great meeting, it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be perfect. And then you can do this. It's just I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

But is that you pumping yourself up?

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Yes, me pumping myself up.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

But what's you what's the norm, like the normal voice in your head? No, isn't it? Is it discouraging you ever? Do you ever discourage yourself?

SPEAKER_00 18:11

No, it's weird. I know. I know. I don't, I really don't. I do feel sometimes sad about myself. Sometimes I do feel sad about myself, let's say if I'm in this weird position, and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here? I don't deserve to be here. And it's not like I'm feeling better than others or whatever the case might be. It's like I'm not part of this, I don't like it. This is bullshit. What the heck am I doing here? That's the worst that kicks in once in a while when I'm in a spot like I don't even want to put an ounce of energy, I don't even want my body to be present to this. Could be an argument, it could be going to a shitty restaurant and I walk in and what the fuck is this?

SPEAKER_02 18:55

And in my head is all too familiar with you feeling. I'm like, oh god, like I don't even want to deal with the aftermath.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

I'm like, no, yeah, those words kick in in my head, but again, it's not just like I'm not thinking about oh, I'm better than this, I can afford something better, or no, it's just the thing that always kicks in, this is not for me. That's it, regardless of what it is. It could be maybe let's say the restaurant is too crappy, or maybe the restaurant is too richy, or everyone gotta flex their boats and flex their what do you do for a living? Do you gotta really go there because I'm making 250 half million bucks a year? So if they have to flex, oh man, I don't wanna go that route. I don't think I will be like that ever if I have millions in the bank and I have to really flex at some point that I have a million bucks. My brain doesn't operate like that. I just go by the moments, I just enjoy life. And then when I feel like my body and my mind and my spirits don't really align with the place or the people, I'm like, I don't belong here. And then my brain or my inner voice tries to kind of convince me, you need to get out of here, you don't belong here. And then maybe I might be quiet for the time that I'm spending at the place or the moment. And or just I'm like there, but I'm not really there. And the funny thing is I don't even put thug into it the day after when I go home. It would be like it's a waste of time.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

You'd overanalyze things like I do. No, I don't.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

I don't I think at some point I was, but I think now after we moved to Arizona, we went through so much shit with the business, with everything that we went through that we talked in the first episode. I don't feel like now it's worth it to be worried. But again, this is just me. Because everyone has their growing at their own peace. And I'm just into this realization that I shouldn't be worried that much. And yes, I get worried sometimes. Sometimes at night I want to sleep five, six hours straight, and now I'm sleeping three hours and three, four in the morning, and I'm fully awake thinking about the things that bothers me, and I don't want it to get me, but it does they do get me, and I'm like, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

I heard an interesting podcast that if you're waking up in the middle of the night thinking all these quick thoughts like, oh my gosh, this or that or whatever, it's straight up anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Yeah, yeah, you told me that. But what I do to battle those thoughts, I go into meditation and prayer mode.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

So since you've been implementing those, have you been sleeping better?

SPEAKER_00 21:36

I just sleep better. I wake up in the middle of the night. And it's nothing that really bothers me that much, but again, the brain sometimes just wants to be awake. It's that little uh hamster wheel that would just want to go on for some reason.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Oh, that's anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Yeah, yeah, it is probably anxiety. Yeah, I wouldn't say that it's not, but it probably is. But then even if the anxiety is fully gone, imagine. That everything that you're deciding right now, everything relationship, health, money is there. Do you think that we will be able to sleep well?

SPEAKER_02 22:09

I mean, yeah, but every single night? I have pretty bad anxiety, but I sleep really well. The problem for me is falling asleep. My anxiety is but once I fall asleep, I'm good. The problem is your snoring wakes me up or I have to pee. And once either of those things.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

I have a baby snore. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 22:34

It's like a fucking bear. Don't get me started. Either of those things wakes me up, or our daughter comes in and wakes us up, or the dog barks, or whatever. As soon as something wakes me up, that's it. I'm awake for one to two to three to four hours. Yeah. And a good night is just an hour. Well, sometimes it's a lot longer. It depends on what I have going on in my life.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Anxiety too.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Oh yeah, 100%. Because then I'm like, oh, I think I'm not to do this. And oh my God. Oh my god, what's gonna happen when that happens? And but that being said, I've been really cognizant of all those thoughts and been really good about shutting down my anxiety lately. I'm really working hard on shutting that down because I have come to realize that that's a huge factor in my life that has kept me stuck and anxious. I've come to realize lately that my anxiety is way worse than I ever thought it was. Yeah. As far as affecting my life. I always thought my depression was the worst thing in my life. Like throughout all these years, I would say to my doctors, yeah, I have anxiety, but the depression is the worst of it. And the suicidal ideation, that was the worst, which it was. But I overlooked the anxiety all these years. And anxiety really affects way more areas of my life that failed to recognize how much of my life it affected. And lately I've been really working on how to deal with my anxiety. And I've been focused on very much being in the moment. So, for example, if I get a thought in the middle of the night when I'm trying to fall back asleep because your snoring woke me up, and then I have to pee, and then I come back to bed and I'm wide awake, and I'm like, oh shit. And my mind will be racing, oh my God, I have this problem to deal with tomorrow, and I can't believe that is happening, and whatever drama I have going or we have going on in our life. And then I've really been managing my anxiety by hearing that voice, which apparently you don't have. But I'm hearing that voice and I'm like, whoa, stop. And I just stop the thoughts in its track because it gets on this loop and the anxiety starts rolling, and it's all these fucking thoughts warp speed. And then I'm like, stop end it right there. I'm like, nope, I'm not thinking about that right now. I literally can't do anything about that right now. I'm talking my mind at this point, and I'm like, you're coming up with scenarios that may happen, probably won't happen, might not happen, might happen, whatever. But you're coming up with scenarios and you're coming up with conversations that you're gonna have with people that will probably never happen. Stop. And I literally have to stop my mind in its track. And it's really hard to do and recognize, but once you start that habit of doing it, it gets easier every time. It's like they say it's like a muscle and you work it out and it gets stronger and blah, blah, blah. But truth be told, it's really accurate, whatever it is, like a million different thoughts at two, three, four o'clock in the morning. I stop it. I'm gonna focus on going to bed right now. And I'm gonna change my thoughts, and I'm gonna change it to think about all the things that I'm grateful for today. Yeah. And what am I grateful for? I'm grateful for my kids. I'm grateful for my husband. I'm grateful for my marriage. I'm grateful for being married for I don't know, what is it, nine years now? We've been together almost 16. I'm gonna be grateful for that. And those are the things I'm going to fall asleep thinking about. And those are the things I'm going to concentrate on. And every time I do that, the thoughts still like a loop, try to creep, creep back in, creep back in, creep back in. Nope. Every time. I'm like, nope, not doing it, Kim. Not doing it. And I have to stop it. And literally, it's a process and it's a friggin' project. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And it's so hard even sometimes to recognize that you're doing it. And I know you can't relate to this because you said you don't have thought loops.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

I do not, but I do, of course, my brain goes into the negative thoughts, right? Like, oh shit, there's a problem and this, that, this and that. And yeah, my mind goes into these kind of weirder scenarios. But again, what I was saying a minute ago, I just came down to this realization that when I put too much thought into things, none of that is gonna happen. That's only my imagination. So I'm now kind of controlling that none of that is gonna happen, even though I have no full control over my thoughts because they're just kicking in like scenarios.

SPEAKER_02 27:41

So you do have that voice. So you just are controlling it better.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Controlling it better again. It's just right.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Well, that's different than what you said.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

But the voice, again, is not a voice, it's just it's different. What I'm trying to say, let's say if I go to sleep tonight, if those thoughts creep in, it's just my imagination. I'm aware that I'm imagining the scenarios. My mind is running through those scenarios, and I'm aware that those scenarios are just my imagination. They do stress me out. It's just my imagination picturing the outcome causing anxiety. They causing anxiety. But then I'm aware that this is just an imagination, everything is gonna work out, and none of the things are gonna go that route. And every time I say that, for some reason, Kim, they don't go that route because it's just in my imagination. And I heard at some point, probably in social media, I think 90% of the thoughts that we have, the outcome that could happen, it never materializes or never happens. When we moved to Arizona, remember that we brought so much debt, almost 200k in debt. We at some point had some taxes that we needed to pay 15 grand or so. Thank god we paid them. Back then, we had a failure with the business, we have a baby, and all these things were kind of bothering me, but I kind of reinvented myself. I felt like I went through hell, and I feel like I feel now like everything's gonna work out. So that's why I just have this sense of knowing that everything is gonna work out. Of course, there are some other exercises that I've done to get me to where I am right now. That doesn't mean that whoever is listening right now, or you, if you go to bed or starting tomorrow, that it's gonna happen to you. Because everyone has a different way to perceive the universe. The way I perceive the universe in my life helps me to think things are gonna be okay. I already went through hell. That's my view, because for other people, hell could be they're going through cancer, they're going through the cassot, or they have huge financial burdens. That's their own hell. I'm not leaving that. For me, it was the hell was just what I went through. And I was able to manage that, and I was able to go to the other side safe, which is where I am right now. And then I kind of through the exercises, reading, I just kind of get into these articles. They're very focusing about how the world works, minds works, life works. I'm not gonna get into any topics today, but there's so many topics that help me to kind of reshape how I see the world and what I believe. That helps me every single day. Things won't affect me that much. It wasn't easy. They still affect me. I can sleep sometimes, but I'm aware that those thoughts are not real. And then I have to go to meditation, prayers, because those are still triggering. But then I comfort myself that everything is gonna be okay. In a way that I get up in the morning fully refreshed.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

I think you just hit the nail on the head there is that you comfort yourself because a lot of people don't comfort themselves, they beat themselves up for it. Which notoriously, my entire life, I've beat myself up for it. But just, I don't know, within the past year or so, I've been comforting myself instead. Like, oh Kim, you're so fucking stupid. Shut the fuck up. Stop. That's the conversation I used to have with myself. Sometimes I still do, of course, but now I'm like, all right, Kim, that's let's put that on the back burner for now. You know, instead of ridiculing myself. I'll just be like, all right, well, that's not a conversation you need to be having in your head right now. Stop. Instead of just being a total asshole to myself. I'm trying to talk to myself now like I'm a friend, like I would talk to a friend. I wouldn't talk to my friend and be like, oh Sarah, you're so fucking stupid. Just stop. But that's how I would talk to myself. So now I'm comforting myself. Some call that inner child work, you know, that kind of stuff. I know you're not into that, but that's a whole other topic for healing past traumas and whatnot. But just be kind to yourself, just as you would talk to a friend or a parent or a kid or whomever.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

Yeah, thoughts and words have so much power. And the thing is, a lot of people don't see it that way. Everyone has different perspectives about life. That's what I was telling you a minute ago. How I see the world, my perspective about the world. I've been lucky that I'm always being a positive person. And again, I do fall into the trap to be negative to myself or having negative thoughts. But it's not just a voice telling me that that's what's going to be. It's just I know I I am acknowledged that the voice is just playing in my head, or the images, or my imagination is going that route, but I know it's not real. So I do have full control of it. Well, we all but it stressed me out. But then I know some others are just like you were saying, oh man, you're worthless. This is not for you. You're too short, or you're too tall, or you're whatever. And they just believe it. And they're just gonna go through whatever the case might be, and they're just like, I'm not gonna get it done because that's my luck.

SPEAKER_04 33:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

I never ever say that in my life. I wonder why it's gotta be somehow in your childhood. Something happened when you were little.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

It's all beliefs that were instilled in us when we're children from families, society, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, aunts, uncles, the neighborhoods, the culture, whatever it is, it's all beliefs that are instilled in us. They're ingrained in us, and we grow up believing them. And then it's so hard to break those beliefs and those patterns. But something that you just said is that we do have the ability to control our thoughts. Yeah. Even though we don't think that we do, we think that this voice in our head, the voice in my head, not in yours necessarily, but the voice in my head, we just think it's on this loop and it just continues to play and play and play. But we do have the option to stop that voice. Yeah. We can break the pattern, and it's literally up to us, like I said in the middle of the night when I'm having anxiety. It's literally up to me to be like, nope, stop. I'm not doing it and break the pattern.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

Yeah. And we all need validation. So let's say you hear someone singing very well, or maybe in gymnastics is very good, and then for some reason you see the disc kids and they just get frustrated. Yeah, but I know I suck. But you see in the kid, the potential of the kid's so good. But again, these little voices are kicking in that he sucks or is too heavy or he's not good enough. And then you wonder, how is that even possible? This kid's saying that. So you need to you talk to the kid, you can do it, or even an adult, you can do your great. A lot of us seek for validation. Because how many times I knew something and then I go somewhere or I meet someone or I read something, and it's just everything what I knew. It just validated my thoughts. Even though my thought was validated at that point, it lasted maybe 24 hours, and I'll forget. I will default back to my old belief. So we're always seeking for validation. So it seems at some point for those or for even for you, Kim, that you were saying like this anxiety is kicking in, that we need to mold our brain, find the validation that you are good enough. How do I get a validation that I'm able to do it, that I have the knowledge to do it, that I'm willing to do it, that I have all the tools to do it. How can and the way that I was getting it was through meditation and through for me through prayers, really going in deeper into me and really asking myself questions. This is so much exercises that I do sometimes. When I want to accomplish something, whatever the case might be, any project, can I do this project? Can I accomplish this thing? You just ask yourself and you have the answer. You do have it. But the funny thing is that you don't have it in the middle of the day. You always have it in the morning or in the middle of the night or in the shower. For some reason, I'm like, can you get this done? Are you really able to do it? And then I feel myself, yeah, I can do it. But people don't really seek in their own inner self to get the answers.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Because I think they're looking outside of themselves rather than inside.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

We have all the answers. We have all the answers, and then we're just waiting for someone else to tell you. But the thing is that sometimes validate that. And like I said a minute ago, some people just go, Oh, this is my luck. And they always expect the worst. And if you expect the worst, then yeah, it's gonna happen. That's why if you feel like the world is threatening you, that's the world that you're gonna see in wherever you go. Since you It's your perception. Your perception. You get in the car, you're driving, oh yeah, like at this guy blocking me. That's cutting me off. Oh yeah, I'm gonna get all the red lights. Oh, have no gas. Because that's the way you see in the world. But if you change your perception, I'm gonna have a good day. And then you just start going through your day expecting that good things are going to happen. Now you're seeking, you switch your perception of how the world's gonna manifest in a good way and things will start happening. The thing is that your brain doesn't accept that right away when you kind of decide to do that change.

SPEAKER_02 37:57

You have to retrain your brain.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Retrain your brain. Yeah, you have to, and the brain is very coachable. The thing is that we just don't allow it.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

Because we believe the thought loops and everything that we're stuck in. We think that this is it. And it's it's literally loops that are playing.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Over and over again. But yeah, this is a very interesting episode, Kim. We're very excited to continue sharing more stories and our thoughts. Very excited to be here with you guys, sharing what we think, sharing a little bit about our life and how we just perceive the world, how we perceive businesses, personal development, relationships, finances. Yes, a little bit of everything.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

Yeah, join us next time where we continue to learn and grow together. And if you have any questions that you guys would like us to discuss, email us at Ken and Kim Podcast at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you and talk about any other subjects that might interest you.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

That's right. Thank you very much. We'll see you the next time.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Hey there. If you like this episode, please like, share, and join our community. And check out our website at Ken and Kim Podcast.com for free tools and resources. We'll talk to you next time.