Episode 03 - This Is Just an Event: How We’re Trusting the Process After Job Loss

Kim: So I wanted to kind of check in with you and continue talking a little bit about this,
 because I know you and I continue going through this emotional rollercoaster with everything that's been going on with the loss of your job. And I wanted to talk about how you and I need to trust that everything's going to work out. We need a refresher for ourselves.
 
 Ken: Yeah, that's. It's like a daily duty.
 
 Kim: It's a daily duty.
 
 Ken: Right?
 
 Kim: For sure.
 
 Ken: So you go through different emotions. You're scared, you're excited again, the uncertainty, it's there, you know, But I think we're doing pretty good so far.
 
 Kim: We've been doing excellent. But that didn't. This. This state of mind didn't happen overnight. This has come with a lot of practice for us to get to this sense of peace in a time that's very uncertain.
 
 Ken: Yeah.
 
 Kim: But I really love this topic of trying to stay on top of our game while this event is unfolding in our life, because this event is not going to define us, and it's not who we are.
 It's just something that has transpired. Yeah. Occurred at this moment in our life.
 
 So...
 
 Ken: But this actually gives me, like, some clarity every single day, you know,
 
 Now I do not have the stress like, the job was kind of having me under,
 you know, so now I can kind of really focus in myself, the family,
 
 what's next.
 
 I see it just more like an opportunity.
 
 Kim: Yeah. Well, as I said, like this, it's. This. 

Trusting is a practice. Right. We didn't get here overnight.
 We used to. I know, me. I'll speak for me, not for you. But I used to spiral uncontrollably about events that would just, you know, my anxiety would go through the roof.
 That would turn into depression and all the other things.
 
 So we have really come so far from where we were to where we are and how we're handling this event.
 
 Ken: Yeah. Oh, yeah. I agree.
 
 Kim: And just because we're trusting, it doesn't mean that we're not doing anything.
 We're not just like, oh, yeah, everything's gonna work.
 Work out all right, and we're going to sit back and put our feet up and relax now.
 
 Ken: No, no, no. Yeah. No, you still have to kind of grind. You still have to kind of get up in the morning, you know, stretch and get your breakfast and start putting your head together about, you know, If you. For whoever is listening, if you need to get up, you know, find a new job, just go and do it. But now the good thing is now you have the opportunity to kind of really, again, like I said, rewrite yourself and see what's out there.
 
 You know, to see it now, like a door just closed. Now you have a new,
 you know, new hallway with different doors that you can walk through.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: That you don't know what's behind that door.
 
 Kim: Right. Could be a better opportunity.
 
 Ken: So that's the way I see it, that there are so many opportunities. And when you have that mindset every single day, I think it makes it easier for you or for me that there is, like, more out there.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: This was just basically a chapter that just ended. And now you. Mentally, for me, it's like, all right, I'm now. Now it's like leveling up.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: You know, so that's the way I see it, and that's the way that everyone should see it, you know, instead of just getting depressed and sad. Yeah. You get, you know, it's worrisome.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: Because of, you know, you need the income. But we can do it.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: You know, you can do it. It's just, again, see it as an opportunity.
 
 See it. I just see it as an opportunity. For me, in my case, it's just an opportunity for us to grow our business.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: Right now I can be more focused on the business.
 
 I have more energies to focus on the business.
 
 I have now more creativity to put in the business. Or all those things I did have in the past but were limited because part of my energy was being taken from a job.
 
 Kim: Yeah, correct.
 
 Ken: So now I have this kind of, alright. So what's next?
 
 Kim: Yeah, as a matter of fact, I. Every morning when I'm doing meditation or night, whenever I can fit it in, I'm actually, like,  being grateful and thankful that this event occurred because we weren't going to take that step.
 
 So it actually worked out for our benefit, even though it's still hard to see because it's still scary because we still don't have that income and we don't know how it's going to work out.
 
 But I am trusting that it was for our benefit. Like, everything that happens to us is happening for a reason, whether we know it or whether we can see it, that's, you know, irrelevant. And normally we don't see it until later in life.
 
 Could be a month, could be six months, a year, 10 years, whatever the case may be.
 
 You know, you don't see it right away,
 
 but when you do, you're like, oh,
 
 that's why that was happening. And, you know,
 
 that's why that that happened in our life.
 
 Ken: Yeah. And we keep. One of the things that really help us, Kim, every single day, it's meditate.
 
 Kim: Yes.
 
 Ken: So we do meditations at night and we do meditations in the morning. Every single day.
 
 I have my own sets, my own exercises.
 
 Everyone meditates in a different way. That's fine. Some people pray,
 
 some people just read the Bible, some people read books.
 
 Some people, they're just. Now there's tons of apps out there,
 
 right. To kind of, you know, meditate or whatever.
 
 So meditation is one of the tools, one of the, one of the techniques that is keeping us grounded and keeping us centered, which is very, very important when you're going through a big life change event.
 
 Kim: Yep.
 
 Ken: And so in the morning,
 
 what I do, I always do gratitude.
 
 I'm grateful for my family,
 
 my health, the opportunities I have, my house,
 
 my dogs. I mean, everything. I name everything, I'm grateful for that.
 
 So. And then I expect something good is going to happen every single day. In the morning,
 
 I expect that something good is happening.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: You know, so that keeps me. I, I set my mood,
 
 you know, right before I get out of bed.
 
 And so that kind of gives me direction. I'm like, all right, I'm ready to go. I'm ready to see what, what am I going to get?
 
 What am I going to accomplish today?
 
 How am I going to move the needle today?
 
 Now, sometimes we see. And that happens, you know, I guess every single day. Sometimes you feel like a. Well, I didn't get anything accomplished.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: But there always something gets done every single day. Even if you didn't do anything, if you didn't do anything, that's what happened. You didn't accomplish anything.
 
 Kim: You made it through the day.
 
 Ken: You made it through the day. Yeah. So there is always,
 
 always something that gets done. So that's what we do a lot of meditation.
 
 We're trying to do yoga now. I always, always been interested in yoga because I feel like I need to stretch my body. I don't know, maybe I'm getting old, but I feel like I need to stretch my back, my legs.
 
 And while I'm doing that, I'm still thinking how am I transforming my body, my mind, and how I am creating things.
 
 I know that sounds, maybe that kind of sounds weird, but I'm basically kind of, you know, picturing myself what I'm, what I'm doing next, where is my life going,
 
 you know, so I'm kind of still building.
 
 And so my, my, my head Just go into a building mode and just to give me, you know,
 
 momentum. To give me the momentum while we go through this.
 
 Kim: Yeah. And another exercise that we've been doing while we're going through this is remembering past events that worked out. I try to continuously remind myself of things that we've gone through and how I Instead of trying to control the outcome, I kind of just let life unfold as it should, instead of jumping in there and making irrational decisions to control the outcome.
 
 Ken: Yeah.
 
 Kim: One of those this week that I've been thinking about a lot is when we moved to Arizona. I know that wasn't like a spontaneous event that happened to us, but it was a decision that we made, and a lot of things needed to fall into place in order to make that happen.
 
 Ken: Yeah.
 
 Kim: And what I mean by that is when, when we decided to move from Connecticut to Arizona, my. My mother was living in. Out. Out in Arizona, and we needed to get rid of restaurants that we owned.
 
 And in order to make the whole move, we had to sell our home that we were living in. We had to sell two restaurants, and I had to move my son away from his father, who was in Connecticut.
 
 He was 12 at the time, so it was a really hard decision because they are very close. He's always been very involved in his life. We share 50, 50 custody. I had to get over that hurdle of getting him on board with it, which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.
 
 The worst decision, one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life was to. To move him.
 
 Ken: Right.
 
 Kim: Because I didn't want to affect their relationship. But we decided to move forward with it. We needed a fresh start, new beginning. I had been in Connecticut at that point over 35 years. I don't know what was I, like, 38 or something like that?
 
 Something I don't remember, but.
 
 And Connecticut was just, you know. You know,
 
 we. We just didn't have any opportunities there,
 
 and the weather was terrible.
 
 Ken: Yeah. Yeah. Right. And it was really hard. Yeah. I remember trying to sell the restaurants, try to really make sense of everything.
 
 Kim: Right, right.
 
 Ken: We were looking at better future for us for. For our kids. It was really hard, but we trusted the process.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: That is going to work out. We didn't know how.
 
 Kim: No, I had. I had no idea how. I was just every day thinking like, no, this. This is the best. This is the best thing for my. My son, who, you know, he didn't have a lot of friends in Connecticut. We. We lived In a small condo. We couldn't escape our, like, situation without starting over and starting fresh.
 
 Um, so it's not like I took him out of this great situation that we were in. We were. We were all trying to reinvent.
 
 Ken: We were kind of trapped.
 
 Kim: Yeah, we were trapped.
 
 Ken: There was no growth.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: No. I don't know. The future seemed kind of so limited, you know, like, you know, and we knew that we were. We had so much potential.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: You know, Yeah. The restaurant businesses was a failure. Completely failure. But was a big lesson for us.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: You know, so that's how I see it. More than a failure. It was a great lesson for us.
 
 Kim: It was a learning experience.
 
 Ken: And it took us a whole year for us to move to Arizona. We came a year before just to kind of check it out. We spent, I guess, a week or two weeks here, kind of to try to feel it,
 
 because we always believed in alignment.
 
 We weren't just doing it based on emotions, but we were doing it also just based. Okay, is this the right thing for us,
 
 you know, Is this the right thing for the family?
 
 Uh, so, yeah, we came down here, and then we kind of, you know, exploring places and going through the neighborhoods and trying to kind of feel the place. Okay. This is going to be now our home.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: So. And. And we. We finally did again, and we didn't know.
 
 Kim: No.
 
 Ken: Right. We packed. We sold the restaurants. We sold our condo. I remember the last day I sold my SUV to the neighbor. Yeah.
 
 Kim: Like, in the parking lot as we were packing up the moving truck, we're. He's handing us cash.
 
 Ken: Handing us cash. Yeah. I was like, five, six thousand bucks. And. Okay.
 
 Kim: Like.
 
 Ken: Okay. And then just like that. Like, when things are happening, when you are aligned to something to get accomplished.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: You know, because I remember that we thought to leave my car with your dad and kind of bring it to Carvana. No, Carvana.
 
 Kim: Carmax.
 
 Ken: Carmax.
 
 Kim: Yeah. We had no idea, but somehow it worked out. But it was, like down to the last freaking minute where we're panicking about this car, and we had no idea what to do.
 
 But thankfully, he came over and asked us about it, and we're like, yeah, if you want it, it's yours. Just freaking take it off our hands at that point because we had to get out of there.
 
 Ken: But the car was paid off. We just needed kind of to get rid of it.
 
 Kim: Right. Yeah.
 
 Ken: And so, yeah, those. One of the things that you said that, remember, the past event worked out, Right.
 
 Kim: Yeah. And we. And we literally didn't Know how. And,
 
 you know, when we were in that process, we knew. We knew that moving here would be the best thing.
 
 But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, oh, my God, I'm taking my son from his dad. And that was like the biggest, biggest hang up for me.
 
 I was so scared. What if I'm doing the wrong thing? What if he hates me for this?
 
 What if it doesn't work out? What if I can't provide him a better life? We had tons of debt from the, the restaurants that we had to sell at you know, highly discounted price just to just to get them off of off of our back and, you know, get the landlord's, get our leases off our back.
 
 Ken: Yeah.
 
 Kim: You know, so there was so many moving parts that were. It was just really scary.
 
 Ken: Yeah.
 
 Kim: And so looking back now, I have to remind myself, wow,
 
 that event, that, that,
 
 that worked out for us so well because it could have gone a million different ways, but we just kept the faith, thinking, like, no, I know this is going to be a better opportunity for us.
 
 And, you know, my son was, still has his relationship with his father all the same to this day, of course, it's a lot more difficult. They see each other less frequently, but I made sure to get him back there for every school vacation and every summer.
 
 So that worked out. He got in with a great group of kids in Arizona.
 
 Now he's graduated high school and, you know, going to school to be an Electrician.
 
 And he has, you know, the entrepreneurial spirit.
 
 So he has found a great group of friends outside of high school that share the same.
 
 Ken: And the most important thing is, Kim, that he's happy. He's so happy every single day. And that basically was our goal.
 
 Kim: That was my goal. Yeah. To make sure that he's happy.
 
 Ken: Yeah. That's basically for every family. Right. That your kids are okay and just like a blessing.
 
 Kim: He's thriving, actually.
 
 Ken: He's happy. He just goes to the gym, he's eating well, he's excited. He's never sad, never depressed or anything.
 
 Kim: Never. Which is something I can't relate. And I'm so grateful that we were able to give him this opportunity because I don't think that we could have provided that in Connecticut because we were drowning ourselves.
 
 Ken: Yeah. And we were basically. He will see us as a reflection because, you know, you were depressed.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: The weather was just horrid. Yeah. And I was depressed somehow as well, and sad and upset and trying to make things, you know, work.
 
 Kim: Angry.
 
 Ken: Angry. And there were the restaurants you know, were just a fiasco, you know, failure. You know, every month we just basically, again, carrying a lot of debt when we're just trying to keep it afloat and. But it give us such resilience.
 
 Kim: Yes.
 
 Ken: To continue, continue moving forward.
 
 Here we are in Arizona, very happy.
 
 We're very, very happy to be here and that we moved.
 
 Our kids are happy.
 
 So now we just have this event.
 
 Kim: Yeah. And on to the next event that
 
 Ken: I just lost my job.
 
 Kim: But
 
 Ken: that's why I don't feel that worried because again, we went through crap already.
 
 We made it work.
 
 And for those out there that are listening, if you're scared right now or if you are.. And this is resonating somehow with you, this is just an event. It's not like an identity or this is just my life now.
 
 I'm just a failure now.
 
 No, this is. Again, see it as an opportunity.
 
 Kim: Yeah. You get so consumed with the event that is happening, Whether it's like a breakup or a job loss or moving out of state or a death or whatever. You get so consumed and you go down this like funnel of just like,
 
 you know, thoughts and worry and anxiety and scared and all. All depression and whatever.
 
 And you have to.
 
 You have to stay in the top of the funnel.
 
 Ken: Right.
 
 Kim: You can't let yourself go down the little tube.
 
 Ken: Yeah.
 
 Kim: You have to stay in the top and just keep thinking about situations like I said in your life that have always worked out or in the end that they worked out or.
 
 Ken: Yeah. Because sometimes we also Kim, try to understand why that happened.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: It's the need for immediate meaning.
 
 Kim: Yeah. That's going down the little funnel when you're, when you're trying to assign meaning to it. When.
 
 Ken: But the meaning comes after.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: You know, you figure, oh, that's why I lost my job. Oh, wow. That's why I. My girlfriend dumped me.
 
 Kim: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
 
 Ken: You know, that's why. Whatever.
 
 You know, oh, that's why I'm gaining a lot of weight, because I'm eating a lot of burgers.
 
 But yeah, very,
 
 very, very interesting about how we.
 
 Things happen to us and our mind goes,
 
 what?

Kim: Fucking burgers? What the fuck!

LOL!

Yeah. It's okay to let. Instead of going down that little funnel and trying to make meaning out of this situation in that moment,
 
 it's okay to let things just remain unresolved.
 
 We don't need. Yeah. We don't need the answers today in order to trust tomorrow.
 
 Ken: It's true. Yeah. So, you know, we want the answers like right now. Like, why is this happening to me?
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: I know, is a journey.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: Yeah.
 
 Kim: You're not going to have the answers right away.
 
 Ken: You're not going to have the answers. Yeah. So we always kind of rolling. Rolling the dice every single day.
 
 Kim: Like, we don't know if you're going to have to go get another job. We don't know if we're going to be able to, you know, make our business work in this short amount of time that we can fund you not having a job.
 
 We don't know if those things are going to work out, but we believe that they will.
 
 Ken: Yeah. That's the thing.
 
 Kim: We trust it.
 
 Ken: It's my attitude or attitude that something good is coming out of this.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: So I'm not expecting the worst. Even if the worst happen,
 
 We're going to work it out again and then we're going to, you know, use it as a stepping stone to overcome it and really see now the greatness that I've been kind of holding in my head, you know, the back of my mind or so.
 
 So, yeah. This is just an event. That's the way I see it.
 
 Kim: Yeah. And so, like, again, we need to, you and I, in the, in the coming weeks, we need to keep thinking of events in our life that have happened in the past and find the silver lining of why they happened or, how that moved us forward or how that opened another door.
 
 Ken: Yep.
 
 Kim: We need to continue doing that and finding those examples in our lives to stay on top of the funnel.
 
 Ken: Exactly.
 
 Kim: We. We need to choose our response, which is what we've done.
 
 Ken: Yeah. Yeah. The response is a big one.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: Because if you, if you're unemployed and angry. No. No one is going to call you.
 
 Kim: Nobody's hiring you.
 
 Ken: Yeah. No one is hiring you.
 
 Kim: Or desperate.
 
 Ken: Or desperate. Like if you're carrying yourself angry and upset all day long. Yes. it's scary.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: Nothing. Again, you're basically going in this down spiral.
 
 And that's not the attitude to really get things done. We know that because we accomplished so much since we started focusing on the good,
 
 since we started meditating again. You don't need to meditate, but this is what we do. You could pray, you could write a book, watch a movie, I don't know, try to do something to change your vibration or change your mind, change your, your state of mind, your anger or your depression. You need to kind of really pick yourself up,
 
 You know, so. And that's what we do. Yes. We get upset.
 
 We get. Even before, before we started recording this episode, we were outside. We're doing yoga this morning. And then I saw, Kim, that you were kind of having a little funny mood. Yeah, you're laughing,
 
 Not me,
 
 But those are. Because, again,
 
 We are humans and, you know, emotions and, and, and.
 
 And things kind of hits you and you don't want to be. You don't want to feel like that, but you need to kind of find that little spark, a tiny encouragement like, hey, I gotta get it done.
 
 I have to. I cannot be all day upset or moody or, you know, again, that's not gonna bring anything good. You know, you don't want to have. You know, you don't want to be unemployed, sad, broke, like all. You know, you don't want to feel sad about yourself.
 
 That's not the right approach.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: You know. You know, how many times, again, my depression was seasonal, but how many times I felt bad about myself, like not eating for hours, just in bed, sad, depressed. And I think a lot of people went through. You know, a lot of people go through this.
 
 You just kind of feel like you just want to let go. You just feel sad for hours.
 
 Kim: Right.
 
 Ken: Drowning into your own thoughts.
 
 Right.
 
 Until maybe your friend calls,
 
 until you maybe decide to get in the shower,
 
 and then until someone just basically cross your path and kind of. Okay.
 
 And then you spent five hours, six hours in bed or on the floor or on the couch. I don't know, just being. feeling sad about yourself,
 
 you know,
 
 and that's not the right approach.
 
 You have to find a way. And that's what I do. You have to find a way to kind of get you out of those dark moments.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: You know, they creep in quickly.
 
 Kim: Yes.
 
 Ken: You know, and if you're unemployed, if you have, like, a lot of debt and you have a lot of responsibilities, like we all do.

But some people have more than others. But we all assimilate things in a different way.
 
 Kim: Yeah, right.
 
 Ken: So those are the things that you have to really focus on. That. Hey, you know, no, no,
 
 I'm gonna play. I'm gonna play some music. I guess I'm gonna watch a movie. Then I want to start looking for a job right after. Change your mood, get in a good spirit.
 
 Yeah, that's what I do.
 
 And then go at it.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Ken: You know,
 
 so. And again, if you're in the middle of something right now, this doesn't define your future.
 
 It's just an event.
 
 That's the way I see it.
 
 And that's the way that you should see it. It's just an event,
 
 and it's just basically building you up, taking you to the next level.
 
 Kim: Yeah.
 
 Yeah. So instead of,
 
 you know,
 
 choosing to go down that little fun funnel. In those dark moments,
 
 we have to choose our response,
 
 and we have to choose steadiness over fear and hope over fear, and trust over fear, basically.
 
 So if you're in the middle of something right now, this doesn't define your future.
 
 It's just an event that's happening.
 
 Ken: That's right. Just an event.
 
 Kim: Yep.
 
 Ken: All right, so hopefully you enjoy this episode. We'll see you the next time.

Kim: All right. Bye. Bye.

Ken: Bye.